pink_scorpion

2008-10-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

Hey y'all!!! i am abandoning this blog =(

do i have a new blog, you ask?

that's for me to know and for you to find out =)

love you! ciao!

2008-06-06T22:00:00.015+08:00

TRUMPET SECTION OUTING

5th June 2008

2.30pm - 8.30pm

fun. fun. fun.

hey y'all!! okay. got lots of pics to upload so better start now!

yesterday supposedly to have band from 9-1pm. have band room clean up, section lunch, followed by handover. i didn't want to go for the handover cos i just didn't want to. so, i came at 2.30, not cos i wanted to escape band clean up (that was truly not my intention) but cos i didn't wanna be there for handover. my very own tiny show of protest =) and besides, i came back from malaysia late the day before and got to sleep only at 1am. so forgive me if i am just too darn exhausted to see some people's faces.

anyway, that's not the main story. i reached at 2.30pm. waited for aida to finish her comm meeting which ended at 3pm. so while waiting.. me, max and jerald were entertaining ourselves by flipping through the pages of the straits time and pointing out who's who's boyfriend/girlfriend. jeryl got miss singapore, ryan got rhinoceros =D .

we were bored.

oh! and ryan and jeryl made for each of us a nice little present =) so sweet!! thanks you both! i'm gonna miss you guys =(

then, we went marina square by train.

kenneth didn't know bubblegums were illegal =D

we went bowling!!!

it was seniors vs juniors =)

omg. i totally didn't know ryan was left-handed!! he doesn't have the left-handed look..

kenneth in action..

here's our scores for round 1!! we played 2 rounds.. and everything was paid for by ryan! thanks loads.. you rock!

don't mess with us.. our guru is kungfu panda!!

then, arcade for a while.

then swensens! totally broke right now. thanks max n aida for lending me some money!

jeryl is so funny!! i was laughing my guts out while watching max and jeryl fighting... hahahs! max ended up sprinkling cheese and chilli flakes into jeryl's drink. hahas. he was trying to get rid of the flakes bit by bit... but to no avail =(

here's him cam whoring by himself =D

yummy.. i'm in heaven!! sticky chewy chocolate =p

then, a little bit more arcade.

then, home sweet home =)

i love trumpet.. and trumpeters =D

<3<3<3

2008-06-06T20:00:00.001+08:00

some pics of Homestay @ Kg. Pelegong (2nd - 4th June 2008)

me. adik aiman. adik asri. liyana. aren't they just ADORABLE?!

sweet memories lasts forever =)

the congkak fanatic =D

happiness =)

sungei fun-ness!!

i'll hunt people down for more pics and i'll post them!

cya soon!!

2008-06-04T23:37:00.003+08:00

HOMESTAY @ KAMPONG PELEGONG
(negri sembilan, malaysia)

hey y'all!! i just came back to singapore about 2 hours ago!! negri sembilan at malaysia was fun.. especially homestay programme @ kampong pelegong!!!!!!!! i miss my adopted family alot =( i was really sad to leave them after getting to know them so well....... but like they say; all good things must come to an end.

i brought RM99 and i finished everything!! yay! i achieved my goal. everything that i bought was food, besides 1 key chain. i bought lots of food for my family in s'pore. sigh. it was a great experience, living in a kampong environment. so fun! i swear, i did not feel any stress at all during the entire stay there. but once we crossed the causeway, thus entering singapore's territory, i suddenly felt the pressure. i am so not making this up. man.... i just wanna stay there. really. with my biological family too, of course. when i retire, i wanna stay somewhere like that, where there are no high rise buildings, and green pastures and fields surrounding me, with happy and peaceful families as neighbours, and many small, but well behaved, kids!!!! i miss my adopted brothers and sisters =( i love everyone of them to bits. i really miss them, i wanna cry =(

then, came back and discovered i didn't get a chance for interview for band exco cos i was in malaysia during the interview period. *rolls eyes*. i know the chances of me getting a postition is very thin but i just wanted to get through the interview just so that i know i at least tried. besides, its not as if i did not tell them in advanced. ASANIDE.

what an asanide way to end the whole beautiful day.

2008-05-31T16:01:00.003+08:00

manifestasi @ tpjc.

hey there.

yesterday, had econs tutorial in the morning. then, went home. got changed and left house at 7pm. reached TPJC in time for MANIFESTASI!!

hahas. met some people there : safiah, shila, syazana. wow. just realised all their names starts with 'S'. including mine. and some others.

manefestasi was actually m0re than what i expected. and trust me.. my expectation wasn't all that high cos im not exactly a fanatic of malay productions. but it was cool. the whole show was funny and stuff. and don't get me started with the dikir barat. one word to describe it : fan-freakin'-tastic.

after that, went tmart mac and had supper with liyana and baz. and then something happened. which i shall not elaborate on. waited for baz's and liyana's bus.

reached home 12+. couldn't get to sleep. kept on wondering... and still am.

2008-05-11T21:03:00.018+08:00

Prelude 28 : 10th May 2008, 7pm, VCH.

the best concert i've ever performed in. period.

1st half:
Hans Cristian Andersen Suite
Inn of the sixth happiness
Die fledermaus (ouverture)
Highlights of spirited away

Intermission

2nd half:
STAGEBAND (year one production)
Percussion Ensemble
With Heart and Voice
Robin Hood
Disco Party III
TJC College Anthem

Encore piece - Disco Party II

FUN FUN FUN.
stageband was a huge success!! we were all very worried that it would suck and didn't expect it to be fantastic but it was! the audience was laughing throughout! (it was kinda full house!) our stageband story was based on "Phantom of the Opera". it was a blast =D

and now for pics. too bad i forgot to bring a camera........ thanks lots aida!!! without you, i wouldn't have been able to capture the memories of prelude 28!!

kenneth, kwang yi, jerald (j1 trumpeters)

don't mess with us cos we will shoot you with our finger pistols!

me n aida!!

year 1 pic (i was about to sneeze when they took the shot!!!)

unglam ky

sleeping in the bus

high trumpeters

yayness!

scandal! (ky n kenneth behind the curtains)

i love this shot.. cos kenneth look like a model!! doesn't he?!

shots in the bus on the way back home after prelude....

trying to look emo...................................................

i was about to sneeze again! eh.. i was sick okay...

the year 1 trumpeters =)

section shots!

trumpet glory =)

during rehersal @ VCH

morning of prelude during stageband prac. the kissing lesson by jeryl and jonathan =D

it was a blast. too bad it lasted for just over 2 hours =(

sorry to those who weren't there. really.

2008-04-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

Life currently suck... real bad.

today has been quite a screwed up day. actually... its been a great day until after school. i was in a great mood and decided to go for sectionals early so that i can do some catching up of my own. first couldn't find the file. then, they had jazz band, which (CONVINIENTLY FOR EVERYONE) i am not in. whatever. i knew it was coming anyway. just say it to my face, don't beat around the freakin' bush. i was about to pull out anyway. i'm not that dense. it doesn't take a genius to read between the lines.

then, had to practice on my own. had a breakdown. smsed liyana and told her i needed someone. i am so grateful to her for being there for me. even though she was already out of school and on her way home already, she came back to school for me. thanks loads =)

im just frustrated with everyone, including me. its that phase in life again where i feel like everything is falling to pieces and im struggling so hard to remain standing. i feel like no matter what i do, i'll never be good enough. cos whatever it is that i do, there is always someone better. i am always second best. always. and i am getting sick of it.

i wanna give up, but i don't want to. cos i know if i do, i will regret it for the rest of my life. besides, i am so not a quitter. but... sigh. i've reached the point of exhaustion - feeling so drained out that i don't feel alive at all.

in secondary school days, i've always loved band. its the thing that kept me ticking. but jc band is just different. i still love it, but it just isn't the same........

i suck. i suck. i suck.

2008-02-26T21:20:00.003+08:00

Bubbling Hatred.

Hey. i just needed to let out all this steam. argh. have you ever met someone who makes you soooo angry? she makes you hate her... really. she purposely say things that provokes you and makes you hate her even more that you possibly can.. have you ever met someone as such? if you haven't, lucky you. i have. i am just unfortunate enough to have that person in my life. call it a test of patience, but i call it hell, torture. never met such an asshole in my entire life before. i mean, i never knew there were such people in this world, people who has no moral values at all... NONE. really. SUCK. always put herself before others. i've had enough with people who put themselves before others every single fucking time. again, THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU, DUMB ASS. stop thinking that the end of the world is when you die. cos really, you are just over your head. and even worse, i cannot do anything about it. it isn't in my power. fortunately, i have enough moral values to resist pulling her hair and banging it on the wall, and then stabbing her many times over. yes. gruesome thoughts. but she is the cause of it. period.

you suck.

get a life.

and stop ruining mine.

if i had a choice, i never want to see/talk to you for the rest of my life. but unfortunately, i don't.

life is cruel.

fuck off.

i really hate you.

to all readers (except her), sorry for being really blunt and vulgar.

2008-02-17T20:24:00.005+08:00

its been a long day.. stop nagging. just leave me alone.

hey! just got back from a long day of walking around tampines, ikea and courts. in the morning, went mrs sim's house at pasir ris for chinese new year open house. then, went out with zai wang, hui xin and wei ting to giant to eat spaghetti. then went ikea to find stuff. then went courts to buy wei ting's stuff. then went tmall to find some more stuff. then went home. i miss home. was out from 10.40am to 7.30pm. and.... tmr got school. wth.

yesterday, went mrs pong's house for cny open house too. spent hours there eating and drinking, but mostly playing poker card games. went off to courts after that. played this stupid game at this game machinoe there, called 'stacker'. damn it la. addictive. spent $3 there =(

next week is gonna be a very, very long week. monday ogl meet. the day gonna end at 7pm. tuesday posting results gonna be out. released at 8.40am (kinda dumb.. only have like 1 or 2 periods only. might as well not attend school at all right....) but have ogl thing at 4.40pm. have to wait almost 8 hours la! planning to go out with today's gang again. the day's gonna end at 7pm. wednesday to friday... orientation : zenith II. gonna end like 8pm everyday or something. saturday, might be free (finally) and sunday, have another plan with today's gang.

i am sooo packed. and school has hardly started. wth.

cya!

2008-02-14T22:37:00.002+08:00

Love is in the air.... for most of us =)

hey! first of all, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL! in tj, they call it 'friendship's day' but everyone knows friendship and valentines ain't the same thing. but then again, school can't promote bgr, can they? but doesn't matter. today was sweet.

tj allowed students to wear home clothes to school. morning assembly, some people delivered flowers to students. didn't get any (sad) but i couldn't wait for iffah and zw to receive their flowers in tpjc =D and they smsed and iffah called after they received the flowers, both shocked. hahas. i love making people's days.

then, had chem test. depressing. not even close to pass. don't wanna talk about it.

then, ogl!! danced the 3 songs over and over and over and over again. though tiring (especially when we cheer everytime each dance end, or every minute that we can get) it was absolute fun.

gave everyone sweets, toffees and chocolates! oh.. and to 3 VIPs (liyana, michelle and kah chin) i gave them each...... a lightbulb! haha, yes! i took 3 hours to decorate the 3 lightbulbs, personalizing it with their names, using paint, marker and glitter. kah chin absolutely love it =) finally, i don't feel like an art-handicap, if there is such a thing... but you get it. wanted to thank them for being really great people and making a huge impact in my life.

love y'all!

2008-02-09T13:36:00.001+08:00

Only Hope

hey! remember i mentioned that switchfoot came to tj and the lead singer sang 3 songs? well, one of the song was Only Hope by Mandy Moore. it was then that i remembered a movie that i had watched last year with my sister. her friend had bought for her the cd and we watched it at night. it was a very heartwarming and sad movie that i recommend everyone to watch =)

A Walk To Remember - 5/5

Here's a tiny peek at the movie. i came across this video clip in youtube. The song is by 3 Doors Down - Here Without You, the video clip is about the movie

watch the movie. you won't regret it.

2008-02-07T23:38:00.001+08:00

CNY hols! i'm lovin' it..

hey! today's a holiday!!! ahahaha.. i am so happy.

woke up at 11am today. slacked until 4pm. went out to grandparent's house from 5pm to 10pm. watched tv until 11pm. haha. am i enjoying the holidays, you ask? hell yeah.

and great thing is.. tomorrow is a friday! meaning i have another 3 whole days of holidays before school starts!! gosh. i am treasuring every single second of it.. really.

then, i remember. piles of lecture and tutorial notes in my bag. screeching at me. haunting me. gosh. i still have tons of work to do, and i only have 3 more days..... awww, why can't i just have 3 months to myself...

i am bored right now. no shows on tv. no dvds to watch. nothing to do. and i don't wanna sleep cos every minute spent sleeping means a waking minute lost. and the longer i sleep, the less time i have left to enjoy my holidays. it's the opportunity cost of sleeping. damn it. i really should do something about these nightmares that i've been having about economics. sigh... economics. hate is truly an understatement. but i am hoping that a miracle will happen soon, that somehow i am able to accept econs as a subject worth studying. i am really waiting.

alright. that's it for this time. cya!

2008-02-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

Road Run @ tj.

hey hey y'all! today has been a really slack day.. gosh. so slack i now feel like a rag. went to school in the morning. it was road run day. then went back to ngee ann and met up with zai wang, iffah, hui xin, wei ting, and many others there. saw our ex-teachers.. though they are already preparing to leave.. and then sat outside tmart mac and talked and catched up. went home around 1.30pm! i was surprised i actually reached home before 2pm. i thought being in tj, getting home before 6 was impossible. haha.. reached home, watched tv for about 2 seconds then slept. until 7pm. omg. i wasted the whole entire day! but i was so tired i slept like a baby.

okay. so what happened in school today? erm.. road run. some people volunteered and some selected for the road run: girls ~3.4km, guys ~5km. other non-running humans sat at the sports complex gallery and cheered and watched the rat parade (victims of dressing-up-like-a-rat). the final verdict.... *drum roll* gamma won!! yes, you heard me right. i swore i thought beta was gonna win the guys trophy. i mean, it was possible for gamma to win the girls trophy. but.. i was really surprised we won the guys trophy too. hahas. even bryan was shocked.

so yeah. today has been an alright day... in fact, as compared to other jcs, who have lessons in the morning and a concert after that, tj's celebration was far more interesting and fun.

can't wait for jae posting results to be out =)

that's it. cya!

2008-02-02T22:42:00.001+08:00

PANTHERA/GAMMA!!

today's horoscope : Scorpio Taking a chance today will yield some interesting results -- a risk will reward you.

hey! warning.. this is gonna be a short entry cos i am dead tired... literally. just came back from tj.. yes. i left the school at 8.30pm. i was in school from 8.30am. and if your maths suck, let me tell you how long that is exactly... 12 HOURS. omg. it was fun and everything, really, but after being away from home for over 12 hours..... i was jumping and laughing with joy when we opened the gate and walked out.. it felt like liberation.

today has been a really really long day.

morning
- cheered and icebreaker
- bedok amazing race and cheer

afternoon
- college race and cheer
- mass dance and cheer

evening
- mass dance and cheer
- clan master election and cheer
- cheer cheer cheer

yes. i have been cheering the whole day! and really, my voice is now one semi-tone lower than it was before. yeah.. sore throat!!

it was fun la. cos we get to bond and cheer and dance (though horribly) together. i really miss beta/erypion. honestly. they should put us in previous houses so we know the cheer well and have the spirit already. but whatever la. i am now panthera/gamma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thera thera is the best, yeah!

oh. and monday got some more mass dance! do you hear that sound? the faint screaming of my feet and toes and legs....

k. going off. cya!

2008-01-31T22:04:00.000+08:00

Talk about rush!

today's horoscope : There are some larger challenges coming up in your future, but today's all fun!

omg. switchfoot actually came to tj today!! i am like.. wth! seriously?! hahas. the 2 local bands, kerakel (i think thats how its spelt..??) and west grand boulevard was surprisingly good! and switchfoot performance was like... good too. haha.. wasn't one to go gugugaga over.. cos it was acoustic version and only 3 songs and only the lead singer sang. the others was like.... backstage. ah well. good enough we get the chance to skip econs tutorial =D

today got a gift from my mortal! hahas.. its actually a cool gift.. if only i knew what it was.. hahas. its called chocolate raspberry.. somekinda jam thingy. and she wrote a letter too! haha.. she seems kinda funny. but i guess she didn't figure out that i was a malay.. cos she photocopied a picture of her necklace pendant.. which was a cross. hmm.. guess i will tell her that in the next letter. oh. and i have to reply to my angel!

oh! and today, results of ogl interview was out. im the only one from my og that made it through. hmmm.. kinda sad cos i don't really know many people there.. gotta work hard and get to know them all!

had a day camp for the ogl thing (we were informed like... a few hours beforehand. wow.) that lasted from 4.45 to 6.30. i had to learn panthera's cheers. gosh. i really miss erypion =( but gotta push through and be a part of panthera now!

and tmr i have a maths test. and a band chinese new year performance. and i have to finish a whole project for pw by tuesday. and i have to do self study for one whole chapter for maths cos i am really lagging. and chemistry. and econs. and bio.

my horoscope is super true. and.. my life is superb right now.

whatever.......

2008-01-25T01:52:00.000+08:00

omg. you guys.. i just saw the music video clip of one of my all time favourite songs.. it is freakin' sad and depressing.. so for all of you out there who is having an emo day.. stay tuned!!

What hurts the most - Rascal Flatts

2008-01-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

hey. yes. results are already out.
8 distinctions.
of which 6 are A2s.
only two A1.
*crash*.

but its all good.. as long as i can stay in tj and not hear others whining about getting 7 instead of 6.

i am kinda disappointed with the fact that both maths sucked. i was hoping for a1.. got a2. but whatever. gotta move on with life and be grateful =)

oh. plus point... my name was among those who got 8 distinctions and was flashed on the screen =D gosh. when i saw my name.. i was really confused. its either i did fantastically... or this year, everyone sucked. it was neither. i did get 8 distinctions.. but the worst thing came true. tons of 2s... man. they shouldn't bring people's hopes up so high.

anyway, these photos were taken about 1 hour before the release of our results.. trying to relax..

mac donalds have really nice wallpaper... and we didn't know where else to take pictures =)

we love playgrounds.. don't we all just wanna be kids again?

k. this wasn't taken 1 hour before.. but it was taken in tj that morning. CG23/08! =D

k. so now you all have heard it. thanks for all who have supported me =D couldn't have done it without you guys. and to all that congratulated me... thanks =D

i was hoping to hear from that one person whom i thought would have been really happy for me. and this means nothing more than just good ole friendship. again... disappointed. victory just isn't sweet when it's not shared with you.. honestly.
come on... just do it. stop hesitating! i am waiting..

...im not gonna be the first piece on the chessboard to make the move.

2008-01-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

OMG PEOPLE. TMR O LEVEL RESULTS ARE GONNA BE RELEASED. WHAT?! ALREADY??

okay. i was not this depressed/obsessed until after band today okay. i so wanna cry. coz if anything horrible happens, that will be the last time i will be attending tjc band practice. oh gosh. noooooo!!!! i may not be the best trumpet player there is, but i definitely am eager to learn. i have really learnt alot for this past 3 practices. really.

and i am growing more and more attached to tjc. and it's scary. cos if i do not get to stay, it will be heart-shattering ='(

plus.. the guys. oh gosh. let's not get there.

however, jc life is really stressing/tiring/pressurising/sucky. i am exhausted everytime i reach home! wth.. and i have to get thru all this for 2 whole years. ROAR!!

whatever la. i'll just do it. at this point of time, i don't know what's happening, let alone what is going to happen. so.. yeah. i can't be too bothered.

and tmr my CG eating breakfast together... at the school canteen =( . yes it is a sucky location but given the circumstance, we'll just have to make do with it. and considering it might be the first and last thing i am doing as a CG, i'll try to make the best of the situation. haha. oh. not only will i miss my classmates, i will miss my civics tutor the most.... MR WONG!! he is a really nice person, really.

and after breakfast, have maths lecture, and then GP 1 period.. then meeting up zai wang and iffah at tpjc. planning to slack our eyeballs out at macdonalds, then walk SLOWLY to ngee ann. and the rest? let's leave it for tmr.

cya!

2008-01-17T20:55:00.000+08:00

Nostalgia

hey people! missed y'all! i am really worn out. my body has been on overdrive mode since monday. no sleep!! gasp. this is the first time my body aches after i wake up!!! my goodness.... what is happening man??

anyway, chem lesson ended at 4.40pm today. it ended with a bang! and the great big bang was.. a surprise test. haha. you know what? i'll take whatever is thrown to me. besides, i don't have much of a choice, do i?

took bus 12 home with liyana and michelle! gosh.. i really miss hanging out with them. anyway, talked and talked until we reached tamp east cc bus stop. me and liyana got down, leaving michelle alone =( sorry. then.. walked all the way to opposite tmart stop. then figured we needed an ice cream treat! sat at mac donalds and she ate her hot fudge sundae and i ate my mc flurry oreo. think that was the best part? haha.. part of it. the fun thing was we were re-living those old times! from the start of sec 1 till now. my goodness.. when we actually looked back, everything is crystal clear. EVERYTHING.

saw a baby at mac donalds. miss those times when i was a kid and had no care in the world. someone was there to take care of my needs, no pressure, no stress, i didn't even have to care about picking up spoons to put food into my mouth! but... that was then. i am all grown up now. i have matured through many life experiences, through pain, betrayal, heart breaks, and many other problems. i am no longer the naive girl that i once was.

anyway, i think i really should be going now. i got some other things to say but unfortunately, as someone had once said to me, you don't always get what you want. i need to do bio project and hand it up by tmr. hah. as if that is gonna be possible.

cya then!

2008-01-11T23:44:00.001+08:00

Life @ tj.

hey y'all! so, what's been up lately? well.. lectures and more lectures are making me have eye bags!! sheesh. bio lecture is kinda fun cos i love bio =) . chem lecture wasn't all that bad...yet. its mainly revision of mole concept. maths lecture was fun cos i love maths =D . and econs h1 is freakin boring. if by any chance i get to stay in tj, i'm planning to change subject combi.. econs h2. i went for their lecture b4 and i had a better understanding there. but.. lets see how things go, yeah? so far i'm loving tj.

met iffah and zai wang on thursday. spent 3 hours in macdonalds.. i ate a meal and zw drank milo. we talked, catched up, played cards, talked, played ultra-tictactoe, and talked some more. it was fun. i really miss them. they were the ones, amongst a few others, that kept me from going insane then in sec sch. thank you =)

had commencement ceremony on thursday morning. its just a small formal event, but the reason behind it is really nice. sang national anthem, house captains carried their respective house flags towards the podium, seniors pinned college badge to juniors, sang college anthem, tj cheer and the rest is history. the event can be either sweet or bitter. sweet if i stay in tj, bitter if i get kicked out =( . gosh, i should adopt tj's 'think positive' idea.

wednesday had pdp exhibition. i wanted to choose something else besides band cos... 7 years of playing trumpet should be more than ebough right? its about time i start to develop a new talent. hahas. but.. ended up choosing tj's symphonic band. but if i get anything other than trumpet, im'm quitting. yes. i may be a jerk at times =) . and i chose Student Council Internship Programme (SCIP). both pdp's kinda heavy, but i'm just trying out first.

k. i gtg bury myself alive with lecture notes. and no. i do not lead a pathetic life, even though it sounds like it =/ .

cya soon!

2008-01-08T17:47:00.000+08:00

Favourite Music Videos & Songs

Backstreet Boys - Inconsolable

The Jonas Brothers - SOS

The Jonas Brothers - Hold On

Daughtry - Over You

The Jonas Brothers - Just Friends

The Jonas Brothers - Goodnight and Goodbye

The Jonas Brothers - 7:05

The Jonas Brothers - Time For Me To Fly

2008-01-06T19:37:00.000+08:00

finally. time to blog. i've been really busy lately.. and i mean REALLY busy, with..... TJC ORIENTATION!! uhuh!! i managed to get into tjc for PAE. and i am really excited about it.

orientation zenith 008 started on wednesday, 2nd january. as usual, first day is usually not as fun, what with all the boring ice breaker games and stuff. but it just had to be done. so.. yeahs. went through with it. the whole orientation was fantastic on the whole. cos we learnt several mass dances (which i don't quite master up till now) and did several cool stuff... unlike other jc orientations, of which the names i shall not mention. tjc's orientation lasted for 4 days, from wed to yesterday. we went for a race called 'zumanji : the runaway' and it was fun. we has some games in school and that was fun. we went suntec fountain of wealth on friday evening and danced and cheered and screamed. we had o-night yesterday and it was fanta-bulous. i was all hyped up and didn't have a care in the world, screaming and jumping and dancing. oh my gosh. yesterday night was one of the best times of my lives. kinda sad though that it had to come to an end.

and the OGLs and house captain, ren hao, were really great people. hahas. didn't know tjc had really nice people =) the house captain of ERYPION was really high, like, 24/7. that was what made everyone get into the spirit. he jumps and shouts and dance like nobody's business. haha.. and he is known as an ah beng. but its really obvious that he has a great heart. he is a really nice person. OG10's OGLs were also very nice too! i even got an sms at 1am yesterday after the orientation from tricia saying thanks and stuff. haha. tj people are nice, contrary to what some may say. and i want to stay in tj. please let my o level results be good =)

anyway, im going off. cya around!!

2007-12-22T00:18:00.000+08:00

i'd like to start off with an apology to those who curse everytime they come to my blog. sorry it has not been updated for a long time, okay! i've been busy.

these past few days i've been so busy, i didn't even get to go online. and those days before, whenever emo kicks in and i have to blog, the feeling disappears as soon as i am connected to the internet. as for why, don't ask me. i am clueless myself.

anyway, don't worry. updating my blog more often will be one of my new year's resolution amongst many others. some include studying harder than i possibly can so that staying in temasek can be a possibility, not falling for guys easily, cleaning my room more often (btw, i will be shifting house very soon, in about 5 to 6 months time. i'll still be in tampines though, and my mom suggests moving to a block that is near gongshang primary school, my little sister's school, seeing that school bus fares will be up by almost 50% next year.. crazy), avoiding all forms of public transports except buses, and many others.

btw, here's my opinion on the increased taxi fares and increased gst. its just plain mad. i mean, i get it. singapore is aiming for higher living standards, its goal being on par with america. but, if things go on this way, many will suffer. i am.

anyway, can't wait to move house! honestly, its not all about the thrill of getting a new house and a new bedroom and stuff. its about moving on. i have cleared out my hotmail inbox, keeping only selected few, i have cleared out my handphone inbox, again keeping only selected few, i have kept all those class photos, sec 1 to sec 4, having displayed them on my bedroom walls for years, i have cleared my bedroom and painted all the walls pure white, and i have deleted my other blog where i had once posted my deepest thoughts and feelings.

i am preparing for a new house, new school, new friends, new teachers, new subjects, new life.

its not that i hate the people in ngee ann, i don't believe in hatred. even now, i stand firm that i do not hate ANYONE at all. i keep those bittersweet memories with me wherever i go. its just... i don't want to be held back by anything.

okay. before i start getting all emotional again, i'd better go.

I cannot stay
I came to say
I must be going.
I'm glad i came
But just the same
I must be going.
(adapted from the novel "Hello, I must be going")

2007-12-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

hey y'all.

look, i've been trying to find ways of making my blog.. selectively permeable to readers. and i intend to get a password. sorry peeps. only for authorised readers.

today was actually a great day.. as compared to the past few days at least. went to changkat cc to settle some stuff in the morning. then, went off to national library and spent some time there. picked out three novels.. english ones, mind you. definitely not malay ones.... i would sleep by the time i reach page 2. my mom, on the contrary, being from a malay stream, picked out 2 really thick malay novels. amazing. my lil sis, not so surprisingly, read powerpuff girls storybook. thank god i managed to persuade her to borrow a more.. intellectual storybook.

then, we walked all around the area up till raffles city, searching hopelessly for bencoolen street. this was bound to happen when you let 3 tampines people wander off in the middle of... wherever it is that we were at (see? i don't even know the name of the place, let alone navigate my way around. furthermore, my lack of navigational skills is of no help at all). we were on it for like, half an hour until i finally decided to let go of my huge ego and call my dad asking for directions. the call was not really helpful so we decided to go long john silver @ bugis street instead. yummy.

took bus 12 home. after a few hours of reading one of the novels, i decided to resume my mundane life. got up and went to freshen myself up.

i was about to wash my hands when i noticed there was an ant in the sink. being lazy, i decided to wash it down the pipes by turning on the tap a little. then, i noticed that it was really clinging on to its dear life. then, it struck me. the ant really wanted to live. after turning off the tap and waiting for the ant to move out of the way, i realised it couldn't move fast enough as it was really wet. somehow, the angel's voice in my head overpowered the devil's (which is kinda rare.. haha). i took a piece of plastic and miraculously, the ant climbed up immediately. i took it far away and shook it off. it went on its way, happily (or at least, i assume). guess the ant was thankful after realising i was trying to help it (after trying to kill it). so... i saved an ant today!! i saved a life!! (this is the part where you say wow).

anyway, in a nutshell, my day was great.

btw, today's weather was absolutely fantastic too. there was a continuous strong wind blowing through my hair as i was walking along, searching for the street. and nowadays, the night sky has been really clear!! so, every night when i look out into the sky, i can see many stars! which is very rare in singapore. yesterday itself, i counted over 50 stars in the sky!

and tonight is as clear too!

so, i gtg now. going back to reading my novel. after straing at the stars, that is. =D

love y'all! ciaoz!

2007-11-30T00:47:00.000+08:00

hey hey.

okay here's the deal. i haven't been quite updating my blog since i hardly have the time. i've been terribly busy with slacking my butt off at home. hey, its not as easy as it seems alright? it takes alot of perseverance and determination to make it through.

anyway, this post have been edited. for some reasons.

so, whoever that did not get the chance to read what i wrote for this post before, too bad =) wasted a few seconds of your life.

i gtg stare at the stars now.
love you guys!

ciaoz!

2007-11-25T14:21:00.000+08:00

hey again. just came back from walking around tmart with my grandmother. it was kinda de-stressing. take my mind of everything.

tmr having class chalet of which the details no one knows about. so... tmr just go and see what's gonna happen.

yesterday went chua chu kang to my auntiy's house. miss my grandparents. brought my grandmother home to sleep over at our house for a couple of days.

i am still trying to get a job at times. just need to call them and ask.

tmr have band from 8.30 to 12.30. i intend to go slightly late. i am going around 9.30+.

i am totally letting go of that problem. where it goes, no one knows. let's see what happens. i am slightly less than bothered.

and i was at friendster just now. i clicked on my horoscope. today's one sucks coz i know it is untrue. the writer has got to be sacked from his job.

going off now. ciaoz!

2007-11-24T01:29:00.000+08:00

hey hey. as you all may have realised, i have been blogging kinda often aren't i? reason? i am.. yes. bored. anyway, i shall spare you the suspense. i have nothing to blog about actually.

but one thing. someone with a private phone number tried calling me like... 5 times this morning. but they were miss calls. to whoever it is.. i am sorry. my phone was in my room and i was at my living room watching martha-boring-steward show, watching her plant bulbs (like such things happen in singapore) and my mom was vacuuming the house so it was kinda impossible to hear my phone ringing. i tried calling back but it was a private number. anyway, if it was that important that you should call me up till 5 times, then you should have left a message, either in my voicemail or sms. the wonderment of technology, eh?

so.. whoever it was, if it is that important, please try calling me again yeah??

nitez!

2007-11-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

haha. found out bad news just now. and yes i am laughing. why? coz i am sick and tired of it and i dont know how to react anymore. all this while, the problem lies in this: me liking him. hah. if i had known better, i wouldn't have. but its not up to me now, is it? huh. maybe i was right in not telling him, seeing that this is the reaction i get.

ah well. it doesn't matter now.

we are going our separate ways now, just like you've always wanted.

2007-11-22T18:51:00.000+08:00

"Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.”

hey hey people! i am dying of boredom as i am typing this. somebody save me! anyone has any events/gigs/outing/activity?? i am so bored.. i have been slacking all day long doing practically.. nothing. and furthermore, there is hardly anyone online to chat with. b-o-r-i-n-g.

anyway, i was supposed to go out today. wanted to go out and have lunch with one of my friends but he couldnt make it due to other plans. and i was supposed to go band in the morning to give a scream at those lazy juniors who have been giving a hard time for the new sectional leader, justin. i have been in that position so i totally undertsand how he is feeling right now. so.. i am determined to go for the next practice and help them out.. see? i am an angel =) haha.

but everything was cancelled coz i wasn't feeling well. yesterday went ex-class chalet and towards the end i got sick to my stomach. due to several reasons, mind you. but mainly because of gastric. i realised i havdn't had a proper meal since the morning of prom. that morning i thought i was going to have lots to eat at the hotel so i didn't eat. turns out, i hardly ate a thing. then, yesterday morning, i thought there was going to be alot to eat at the bbq at the chalet. turns out, i hardly ate too. so, walking home, i felt like dying. so, went home, took 2 panadols and went to sleep. so, this morning, i could hardly wake up. btw, eating panadol b4 going to bed has a plus point for me. being afraid of the dark, getting drowsy before going to bed really helps coz i doze off fast =) so i dont have to worry is there is any dark shadows, a result of my over-active mind, lurking around in my bedroom. haha. yes. i am afraid of the dark.

okay. gtg. anyone who has any suggestions on what i can do, feel free to tell me!

ciaoz!

2007-11-22T02:38:00.000+08:00

Draining the life right from these eyes
hey people! today, went to 2r2 chalet. i planned to go at around 4 to 5 but ended up reaching there at 6. anyone who knows me should not be surprised by this =) i am famous for my punctuality. anyway, the chalet was fun for a period of time. then, i went nuts over something and had to walk it of. thanks to the fact that zai wang, gary and jaslyn were with me, i managed to overcome the depression by.... taking lots and lots of insane pictures! at that time, i was so down and wanted to cheer myself up so i went into my so-what mode. i didnt care the fact that there were people around looking at us taking dumb pictures. so what? life is short. live to the fullest, baby! anyway, here are some pictures. feast your eyes??

PHOTOS GALORE!!

gary: boo!, jaslyn: i'm shy, zw: huh?, me: look up in the sky!

okay. no comments. we were out of ideas.

how do we get to....

gasp! ladies.. never be THIS desperate!!

stars of cicakman 2.

having fun... with a christmas tree??? okay. this is the end.

2007-11-21T13:23:00.000+08:00

Prom night @ Marriott Hotel.
hey hey people!! yesterday i went for prom at marriott hotel. it was held at 3rd level ballroom. it was alright, i think. the food wasnt superb, tho. anyway, here are the pics as i have promised!! (i look horrible in the pictures. i swear i looked better in real life... haha)

me and the awesomely cute emcee, jid. okay. i have a crush on him..haha.

me and my prince charming for the prom pageant, hafiz. yes. i was in the pageant. stop laughing.

me & kahchin!! =D

the people sitting at table 2o!

the debators =D michelle, me & liyana.

anyway, i have gazillions more photos but i have no time right now.. im going to 2r2 chalet now.. cya soon!

2007-11-19T00:11:00.000+08:00

hey. k. its 12.18am and i felt like i need to update.

prom prep, getting along okay. did my hair yesterday night and had it overnight. the uncomfortable night sleep was well worth, i think. erm today kinda boring. slacked at home.

yesterday got a strange phone call from my junior. been bugging them to buy for me farewell gift. and one of my juniors called to ask which bear i would prefer, pooh or teddy bear. talk about the element of surprise.

okay. my contact lenses are getting supre dry so i gotta take them off and let my eyes rest. haha. yes. i am using contacts. and it takes me like, forever to put it on. its so ticklish!

planning to wear brown ones to prom!!

goodnite!

2007-11-17T16:27:00.000+08:00

hey you guys!
i am so happy, i shall blog today. overall, so much happiness has to be shared, right?

yesterday went pae briefing, damn boring. i dont even know what the heck the speakers were saying during the slides presentation. thank god there is the booklet. anyway, after that, went to eat at kfc with a couple of friends. met some others there. then, went to slack it off at the fitness place at the badminton court at my house with zai wang and gary. talked and talked and talked. it was fun. even though i got like, 4 mosquito bites, it was well worth it seeing that there won't be such times anymore after this. anyway, i am happy with something that happened that morning, and i wont tell you what it is that happened. sorry.

then, yesterday afternoon went shopping with my mom at tkc. and... i found the cardigan and shoes for my prom night!!! fantastic. and yesterday night, i got everything prepared already. today, i am going to do my hair. everything is going great, and i am so happy!

haha. k. next time then. bye!

2007-11-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

where'd you go? i missed you so...

hey hey!
just came back from band practice. it wasn't as i expected. guess people can overestimate sometimes.... i will put in lots of effort to help that group of people who claims to be a band.. haha. i really miss being part of the band...

slept at 1 yesterday and woke up at 5.45am. gasp! my head was spinning. but ah well. its worth it to see jessica off to canada. it will be the last time, perhaps, that we will ever be able to see her again. gonna miss her loads.. =)

read through my diary the day before yesterday and started crying my eyeballs out again. see? post o levels are killing me. i have nothing else to focus on, so i think about lots of other torturing stuff.. then i realised, i miss alot of things and people... reading everything in my diary at one go makes me able to put all the pieces together and understand situations. so, i felt regret and guilt. but as someone had told me, i should stop saying that i feel guilty cos it is irritating and it only hurts me even more.. so what is the use, right? he is so right. he also gave me the courage to confront. i just hope it works. i feel like crap most of the time thinking about it... and miserable. and i sooo wanna stop being that. i miss olevels =)

prom is coming. bought this sweet, simple deep purple tube dress. knee length, double lining at the hem of the skirt, and a lighter shade of purple sash-like thingy with a small bow at the front. its not those prom-queen-red-carpet-vavavoom kinda dress but more for teenager's prom. planning to find a simple girlish half-cardigan for a little bit of coverage.. haha. no tubes for me. now stressed on finding the perfect pair of heels! saw one that i love.. but its $50+++. figured putting that kinda money on my feet isn't worth it. so.. have to find that as well, besides a great cardigan. need a simple diamond pendant silver necklace to go with it... and of course earrings.. bling bling! and my hair!! gosh.. i want curls, baby!

alot of work and money needed.. so, gotta get going now.. see ya soon!!

2007-11-01T14:06:00.001+08:00

Section 1: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

Section 2: Mental Interests and Abilities

You have good mental concentration and the ability to become completely immersed in your work. You seem to know things at an instinctive, nonverbal level and prefer learning through direct experience or apprenticeship rather than vicariously via books or lectures. You have mechanical ability and work well with your hands. You could become adept at sculpture, pottery, carpentry, stained glass, or anything that involves doing and making things manually. Biology (and related fields such as medicine) interests you as well. You also have an instinctive rapport with animals, and may feel you relate better to them than to people! You tend to become narrowly focused upon your own specialized interests and may not have much to say or communicate outside that field.

2007-11-01T13:52:00.000+08:00

haha. i know. i said that i will update only after o levels.. but just wanted to say thanks to all that wished me happy birthday yesterday......

this goes according to who wished me first..

joleen (advanced)
kah chin (my phone fell into the puddle after checking his msg)
liyana (thanks loads for the present! =D)
kak jihan
siti
mardiana
amalina
afiqah
kuan hon
aisyah (my lil sis)
mama
papa
yi hui
caca
fezra

wished the list had that one more person.... but oh well. never had wished me before, never will i guess.... oh well. not everything goes the way i want it, right??

okay. gtg. bye!

2007-10-12T11:49:00.000+08:00

haha. after such a long time. its time that i update my blog =D here goes.

hari raya is coming! oh... and so is o levels.............................
anyway, olevel preparations has been going on fine i think. i am a bit lagging behind but i think i can now start catching up since i have no more school.. today's the last. just trying to get myself focused and not get distracted by anything.. any personal problems or any negativity. i am so gonna do this thing!

tomorrow's hari raya. so, i would like to take this opportunity to ask for forgiveness from everyone who i know and everyone who knows me, regardless if you are a malay or chinese. whatever mistakes that i have done, with conscious or without, i am sincerely sorry. i am still a human who cannot escape from making mistakes so, be nice and forgive me alright?? i will truly appreciate it.
and for those who have any unsettled business with me, come and settle it before hari raya. please. i want to be free from all the burden in my mind and have total focus on o levels. and start afresh. so, do this small favour for me. thank you.

i so wanna go tjc. i still have a bit of doubt on whether i can cope when i enter there. and i really have to get A1 for my biology o level. for many reasons. futhermore, in jc, bio will be a heavy subject, but i think i have the drive to take it on. just that...... i need to get an A1 for chemistry if i want to achive my dream of becoming a surgeon. ah well. guess my best just isn't enough. gotta try harder then.

gotta go now. im gonna miss my class, no matter what. even though i do have some 'friction' with some people nearing graduation, i'll take it as negligable. and on graduation day, that time, i tried to make the best of the situation. but obviously, i was disappointed by them, who wouldn't. again, i will pretend that i am okay with everything, even though i'm not. but its no use now. im done with ngee ann. gotta move on to the next chapter of my life and leave everything behind.

and all the thanks in the world to the person who's been sitting beside me in class this whole entire year.... KAH CHIN!!
(and the other 2 loserers, wei xuan and zheng wei =) look out for our book which will be published after o levels titled : 3 loserers and a hurdle to cross!)

cya guys!

btw, the next time i will be blogging will only be like.... after o levels. so.. wait for it!
what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.

2007-07-21T13:52:00.000+08:00

boulevard of broken dreams

hey hey. been wanting to blog but due to the non-existing internet access at my home, i can't.

firstly, aaaaa!!! haha.. saw him, talked to him, and stuff. hehe.. sorry but i just go crazy whenever that happens. i mean, with that face and that personality? who doesn't fall for him? haha.. okay, okay. go get a basin or something. don't puke on your computer screen.

secondly, racial harmony day yesterday!! haha. i wore this vietnamese costume which was yellow in colour. i looked fat in it but wth. i don't wanna wear the typical malay costume. im trying to wear something different from the others. and guess what people??? i made jessica wear a punjabi kinda costume. it was a long skirt!!!!!!!! haha.. all i had to do was bear with the death threats from her. but it was all worth it ;) i would pay just to get reuben, ruhan and zhan to see her in that costume :D haha. i guess she realised that since she is going to canada anyway, that is the least she can do to please us. i always knew there was an angel deep in all that darkness and anger ;) okay. maybe angel is too much. i'd get killed for that. hmm... a nice person should suffice and keep me alive.

alrighty. im going to zoom off right now. that's because i have $3.21 left in my digital library pre-paid account. nope, make that $3.18, and still counting down. see you guys soon!!

(especially him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2007-06-08T18:26:00.000+08:00

heeeeeeeey!!!

i miss him like mad.. school holidays makes the chances of me running into him even lower!!! cannot wait for school to resume.. then can i look at his sweet, adorable, charming, charismatic face!!!

on wednesday,went out wif debate friends. reuben treated us to swensens. great! i loved the food. and that day, i learnt what sky trains really are. and they sure dont move up and down =) haha.. gonna miss u guys when we go our separate ways....... =(

thats it for now. just wanted to tell him that i love loads and i miss him soooo much. when can we have our 2-minutes long chats??

you are one to die for. don't ever change. i love you just the way you are =)

2007-05-24T13:57:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha!!!!!

today i saw him!! am i like high or what??

he looks ultra cute with that hairstyle!! =D

2007-05-20T13:25:00.000+08:00

hey hey.. guess what?? i ran into him just now!! haha.. well.. it was so unexpected though i was hoping that i'd bump into him.. and i did! haha.. i guess he was kinda embarrassed. he wasn't dressed the way he wanted people to see him. but still.. he doesn't have to try so hard. he is cute just the way he is..haha. okay. im in good spirits now. he just made my day!!! =D

May 20
1:25pm
Sunday

2007-05-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

hello everyone!just wanted to blog about the 2 dreams that i had during those few days of no school.

1st dream
i was walking with my friend. she was talking about this girl who we don't 'click' with, so to put it nicely. we were walking from the back gate of our school. somehow, i sensed that she was at the corner, so i decided to call her name out loudly, so that she wouldn't hear what my friend had said about her (since what she was saying was not all that pleasant). i was right. she was there, with her clique, and their new 'recruit'. she looked unhappy when she saw it was me that was walking by. i was okay with her silence as a reply. as i was walking up the stairs of the volleyball court, i turned to look at them. now this is the weird part. the new recruit's back was facing me, but somehow, i know what the new recruit was saying. after that, the girl called me. what was the recruit saying?? let me translate it. "ah. nvm la. since she heard already, just invite her la." (originally, it was in malay).

that statement sounds oh-so familiar.

2nd dream
there was a kind of celebration/performance at school. the setting was distorted. everyone, including me, was standing at the quadrangle, facing, supposedly to be canteen, our school's stage in the hall. the guy's secondary school band was there, so of course there was people from the school too. there was shuffling among the crowd. somehow, i ended up standing on his right side, shoulder-to-shoulder (literally. it was as if we were squeezing, so we had to push each other. weird thing is, we were the only two standing at the back, with plenty of space around us.) he then went off to the side of the stage to say good luck to the band members coming on to stage.

i miss him.

during this school break, i also remembered my lower secondary days. i also remebered what these 2 people, each other's best friend, had said once.

them : you are not like them ar.
me : haha. o...kay. is that good or bad?
them : of course la good! thank god you are not like them. they are............ . luckily you are different from them.

what happened now?

May 15
10:04pm
Tuesday

2007-05-12T18:55:00.000+08:00

today has been yet another boring day... so boring that i decided to type out biology notes on respiration. go figure how bored i was.

woke up kinda late.. about 9am. bathed, watched lots of tv, cleaned house and then started typing out notes. then, watch tv again. and tonight? watching more tv. i realised at the rate that i am going, i am well on my way to becoming mrs humpty-dumpty.

been wanting to go out and cycle my way around Tampines.. no specific place that i want to go. just wanna go out. get some fresh air. i have been breathing house air for a very long time. kinda unhealthy?? haha. i am just bored la, okay.

staying at home doing nothing makes my brain work overtime. not on my studies, but on... other aspects of my life. friends, family, band, my past.

friends is a whole big chunk of stuff to talk about, but yet, only about one person.
confusion is another whole bug chunk of stuff to talk about, but yet, only about one person too.
love?? hmmm... let's leave it out for now.
band is resuming on wednesday!!

tomorrow's mother's day!! omg. shoot. i have yet to plan on what to do. darn it. i just want to make this a special day for my mom.

gtg now. nothing much to write anyway.
adios!!

May 12
6:55pm
Saturday

2007-05-11T12:25:00.000+08:00

you are so hard to fathom.

been blogging alot lately.. not really because i have lots to type out, but mainly because i am dying...... of boredom (what were you thinking??)

today yet another boring day. only that it is more stupid than it can possibly be. the school asked the students to come to school at 7.40am to do a seriously dumb quiz. a 40 minutes ridiculously ridiculous cartoon-like-game quiz at 7-freaking-40 am in the morning.. at the expense of my sleep. even my sister agreed it was dumb. really now.

and btw... BAND IS TO RESUME ON WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!
i can't wait.

yesterday did a whole lot of cleaning. cleaned the house in the morning and re-decorated my bedroom at night (more of like, rearranging my stuff in a different way.. that's all). hehe. so far, i am happy with the results, except for those stupid class photographs and posters that just doesn't seem to want to stick on the wall. curse double-sided tapes.

while cleaning up my 'pig sty-ed' room, memories keep on pouring back into my mind. i then realised, all that i have ever been committed to since young was band. (besides track and field when i was in upper primary.. under shot putt. even then, i was not committed to it. for every 5 practices, i skip 4 of it =) and everytime the excuse was the same : i went johor with my family. yes. my mom was my accomplice too. but track and field was sooo long ago. looking at me now, no one would have thought i had represented my school in competitions for throwing 5-kg metal balls =) haha.)

band rawks. so people who wonder about my obsession for band and trumpet... you guys should understand the reason why by now. since 2001. hmm.. 6 years?? wow. haha. i really hope all these years of band experience will not go to waste after i complete my education. hmm.. i am plannign to joining mus'art orchestra sometime in the future. but... it will take alot of my time. so... maybe in a few years time?? let's see how things go.

gtg now.
cya peeps soon!!

May 11
12:25pm
Friday

2007-05-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

it captures not only the beauty, but the cruelty of life itself.

i hate american idol. because of it, i forgot about my favourite tv programme... Documentary : PLANET EARTH. goodness.... i missed half of the show!!! and it was about my favourite topic today... GLOBAL WARMING. you have no idea how sad i am right now....

people... you guys HAVE to watch it. you will live to regret if you don't. you just have to watch it. it is the best documentary ever. it is eye-opening. it is huge! it is fanta-bulous.
and no. i am not working for BBC.

argh!! really... the show is the best. but then again, some people just prefer to listen to people screeching their heads off on national tv, trying to win a title that, even if they do win, it doesn't even affect us people. our lives still go on. as per normal.

okay. sorry. i have no right. i am just grumpy about missing 30 minutes of the documentary.

anyway, i was in time to watch the polar bear's journey across the disappearing sheet of ice to reach the shore filled with walrus / food. just to realise, in the end, IT DIED. it just lost so much energy struggling to stay alive and not drown, that when it reached the shore, it didn't even have the energy to attack a walrus, even after resting for awhile. after failing a few attempts on trying to get food, it got wounded. and it died. OMG.
seriously. i wish there's something i can do about this.

i really think its unfair that these beautiful creatures have to suffer because we, the we-think-we-are-oh-so-superior species are trying to live life better with technology and stuff, at their expense. but do we care?? no. know why?? coz humans are selfish, greedy and self-centred things =)
haha. i keep forgetting i belong to this group of species.

shucks. i really wanna do something about this global warming nonsense.

global warming sucks.

May 9
11:18pm
Wednesday

2007-05-09T11:37:00.000+08:00

Finally. Mid-year-exams are over. i never thought i will make it through to see this day. haha. and its not even prelims yet. imagine how o-levels would be like =) btw,

NEWS FLASH : O-LEVELS HAVE BEEN BROUGHT FORWARD BY A WEEK.
whoopee?? i mean.. what is the matter with this sick people??

but then again, the sooner its over and done with, the better right??

so, today was a very sucky day. well.. for most part of it, that is. i was slacking my butt off watching meaningless tv programmes... one after another. the only highlight of the day?? i made a superb chocolate brownie in the afternoon.. after saving my mom and little sister from the raging storm.

well... fine. i am exaggerating. i only saved them from a heavy downpour. it was close anyway.

the rain was really great. it has been sweltering hot since yestersay. i couldn't even sleep well. if humans can melt, i would be a jug of water by now.okay. back to the fantastic chocolate brownie that i had baked this afternoon. wow. even i am impressed at how delicious it turned out. perhaps, it was the pinch of care, a cup of tenderness, a flying kiss, and a whole tub of love that made it so delicious.

but then again, perhaps it was because it was betty crocker's instant brownie mix.

anyone want chocolate brownie?? haha. sorry. no more =)

2007-05-06T09:25:00.000+08:00

hey y'all..
i am taking a break from chemistry's ammonia & nitrogen.. haha. then watching spongebob! *nvm me being childish once in a while*

yesterday night, went out to long john silver with my 2nd elder sis and younger sis n mum. i was outside ljs walking towards the entrance when i saw a familiar face sitting at the table near the counter. oh gosh! it was my primary school friend/crush/bus-mate. we used to take the school bus home together but that was long ago. the last time we ever communicated was during our regular badminton games with my best friend near my block. haha.. he was a great player.

the very sight of him made my primary school memories come pouring into my mind again. gosh. it was pure bliss and i never even realised it until i had entered ngee ann. they say that you'll never know the value of something until you lose it. that is totally true.
haha. i remember he was the first guy that i ever had a crush on. it was funny though. i never thought of it as a crush until long after.

we never really talked before.. as in person to person kinda thing. but i remember those badminton games that we used to play almost everyday, at one period of time. the first time me n my friend actually talked to him was when we met him at his void deck (his block was beside mine.. and still is) and he was angry coz his sandals was stolen by the cleaner. we were angry too and kinda confronted him. he brought us to the head cleaner or something... and we talked. of course, nothing really happened. he didnt get back his $50 shoes due to lack of evidence. hehe. when i think back, it was kinda funny that we, primary school kids then, confronted those overgrown boys. haha.

since then, we started playing badminton together everyday. then, came fasting month / exam period. we didn't play badminton eversince.

ah. those sweet memories. wish that i had appreciated life better then.
anyway, i didn't really get to eye contact with him, so couldn't smile or something. well, at least i think i didn't have an eye contact with him. but then again, that wasn't the first time i saw him. after graduating, i don't really talk to him even if i saw him... aaahhhh....

ah well. im gonna try getting my friend's help. gotta do something right?
*besides, he's gotten cuter since primary school! =D*

okie. gonna watch tv soon. oh. and also complete my chemistry revision and start studying biology. sigh. and emaths paper 2.

and then.... on tuesday... I AM GONNA BE FREE!!! (until 1 week after, that is. gotta start preparing for prelims in august.. and olevels in october.. sheesh)
okay. adios!

May 6 09:25am
Sunday

2007-05-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

hey.. okay. since i don't have internet connection at home.. and i have things on my mind that i have to get out.. im typing my 'temporary blog' post in my notepad. then, im going to copy it and paste onto my blog for you peeps to read =) which, by the time this gets posted, it would have been long over. but.. who cares.
sigh. today's friday. it went well, i guess. sat for a physics paper that was kinda alright. i will never say this if not for the fact that more than 50% of the structured questions were given to us a few days before the exam. and that includes the answer key too. so basically, its memory work. lucky me, i read through the questions and answers in the morning... so the answers are kinda fresh in my brain =) but still... i feel that the paper was really poorly set.

yesterday, saw him. hmm. miss him loads. i don't know. yesterday's sight was just.... different. it FELT weird. hmmm... maybe i just miss him too much.

and the reason i get out of bed at 12.30am to type out this entry is because 1) my sister just got home and she got lectured 2) im simply missing him 3) don't feel like going to bed after listening to the song on my mp4 4) i don't feel like holding a pen and writing these in my diary..

1) i am getting less and less tolerant of the attitudes displayed by the people in my house. perhaps they know me too well and just know how to piss me out of my brains. i mean.. come on. there was my mum, talking to her about her unacceptable conduct, and there she was, ignoring her and continued doing her stuff, walking here and there. if i was my mum, my sis would have felt a hot stinging pain on her cheecks by now. but im not my mum, so.. lucky her, i guess.

and im not trying to be goody-goody. just that the least that you can do is give her the respect that she deserves. she is giving you the respect that you don't even deserve man.
it always makes me think.. is it true that the older you get, the blinder you get as well?? i mean... what's the deal with being 21??? there is a whole huge difference between getting your freedom and still having respect for others. go check the dictionary, blondie.

sorry you guys have to read this stuff =(okay. lets get on to something else??
hmmm.. i dont think i have to talk about number 2) and 3) right??nothing for me to say but just that... im missing him terribly. and nothing can be done.

how are exams? alright i guess. i thought my english compo was kinda dumb. i mean, the question i did was titled DISASTER. the intro i wrote something like this :

what are disasters? some people might say "Oh no, i failed my examination! i got an F9! This is a disaster!" while others might say "Oh my goodness! This perm looks atrocious on me! This is a disaster!"
*i was thinking of ugly betty at that time =)*

haha. yes. that was my intro. sounds like what dumb blondes might say huh?? well, it only gets better. halfway through my compo, i started getting emotional about the kids and victims of the natural disaster. oh boy. the reader will have a great laugh reading my compo. knowing teachers.... i can bet on that.
alrighty. if there's nothing else, i shall take my leave then? im trying to keep my posts short and sweet nowadays =)

no need to thank me. i understand the pain you people have to go through reading my mundane life stories.
good night! no wait.... good morning??
hmm...

May 5 01:19am

Saturday

Signing out!

2007-04-17T14:22:00.000+08:00

SYF [120407]

sigh. i didn't know it would hurt this bad. it hurts even more than when i broke up with him. haha.

what hurts?? we got silver =(

yeah yeah. people may say that the standards of the judges has gone up, but still? i think that this time around, the judging really reflects how good the band is. and we got silver.
that speaks volumes.

i brought my sis's digi cam to take every single thing that happens on that day. it ended up in tears. i couldn't even snap a picture of what was happening. i felt miserable.

it started of on a happy note. but ended in sadness. argh.
and i thought that was the best i have ever played.

i've been trying to tell myself.. mrs chua had said that as long as you have played your BEST on the day itself, there is nothing for you to be upset about. but y do i still feel horible??

~~i cried my eyeballs out and stuffed them back into my sockets the day after.~~

misery made me lose weight that day. haha.

urgh. i still feel miserable.

strength is when you pick yourself up after suffering a bad fall.

2007-03-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

sick & tired of all this..

hey hey!
argh. hate this new blogger thingy. irritating.

today has been yet another normal boring day in school. just like any other days where i sit in physics class, wishing that i could just walk out of the class right there and then.

wishing that i could have some idea as to what is happening around me.
wishing that i could understand myself better.
wishing that i knew what the meaning of my life is.
wishing that everything around me would just stop for a moment and wait for me to catch up.
wishing that people would stop and think.
wishing that he knew.

seriously. today was as boring as anything.

yesterday though, was a whole different story. i was reminded by afiq in the morning that our chemistry water project was due the next day (which is today). and iffah, who i assigned to do that topic, was absent. so i smsed her and told her to give it to me. she said she was not at home, so she will leave the cd outside her house. fine.

after school went to take it. had to walk from school all the way to her house and back to school again, just to find out that the school library has been invaded by english drama aliens, so we cannot use it. sigh. we had to walk all the way to my house.

then, started doing the project. realised that iffah did almost nothing. argh. that just worsened my headache. called iffah and she said she was wandering at lavender. urgh.

and to make things worse, afiq was just plain annoying! he kept on saying that he was hungry and he wanted to eat at home so he wants to go home. there i was, struggling freaking out and he kept on pestering me. afiq, afiq. sigh. nvm. i forgive you =)

iffah called after one half hour later and said she wanted to come. they were already going home so i said dont bother. i figured, its not gonna change the situation much either ways, so.. just dont bother la. erm.. thanks for the offer aniwaes..

i finished up the whole dumb presentation by about 10.30pm. damn tired la.

aniwaes, thank god the presentation wasn't a disaster. i wouldn't say it was great.. coz it wasn't. but.... it would do for a day's work, i guess.

wanna noe the secret to keeping sane throughout that night of doing the project (though i am not really sane to begin with)?

try talking to ms trans and mr paedo. It Works =)

2007-03-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

argh. everyone is leaving singapore at the end of the year. i am sooooo heartbroken! argghhh!! the other countries are stealing all my friends! aaah! someone, call the police! i don't want them to gooooooooo................

get me tissues.... im gonna cry.

life sucks.

2007-03-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

a whole day of fun.... debate style =)

wow. today has been a great day. were supposed to meet jess, mich and asyraf at 12.10pm at tampines mrt station. i reached at 12.25pm (as usual i was late). i realised i was the first one. about 7 minutes later, mich arrived, then jess, then asyraf. later did i found out that they purposely told me that the meeting time was 12.10pm, when it was actually 12.30pm... coz they knew i was going to be late. haha, they know me toooo well.

then, went to bishan mrt station to meet reuben / paedophile. went to mediacorp by bus. reached there. bought toast sandwich from a vending machine. asyraf felt cheated when he got egg sandwich after he pressed the chicken button. i got cheated as well. damn vending machines.

when we reached, we met this girl. she talked.. alot. i was bored listening so i started talking to asyraf about the weather =) she did something that i was soooo shocked. the girl held jess shoulders and jumped. at that exact moment i could have sworn time stood still. everyone went quiet. i was expecting jess to react... like punching her on the face or elbowing her or slitting her throat or something. but she didnt. WOW.

went into the studio after an hour of waiting at the 'holding area' (which was actually the carpark with the floor painted red, so it looked as if we were standing on the red carpet or something). at first sat at the top of the studio. then was asked to sit at the first floor. supposedly to be better but we prefer the top. better view. but nvm. what can we do.

we were looking forward to a great debate but to tell you the truth, it was very disappointing. the motion itself was pretty dumb. 'youths today are less prepared than their parent's generation'. i mean, what kind of a motion is that anyway???

anyway, i won't tell you who the winner is. watch it yourself =) besides, i think that both hwa chong institution and united world college were already winners in their own rights.

once adrian pang said the show was over, we hurried out of the studio and went to the bus stop. took bus 52 to junction 8. ate at mac donalds there. we talked alot over dinner. haha.. it was all so funny. i excused myself to the ladies. when i came back, my tray was full of rubbish. thanks you guys =)

then, jess got crazy and ruffled asyraf's hair and pulled my hair. okay. i was so innocent. reuben was more guilty than i was and i got the punishment. that is soooo unfair.

in the mrt going back home, we were talking alot. it was very funny. there were many words and phrases associated to each and everyone.

reuben : paedophile, groupies
me :wearing nothing
mich : transexual
jess : jump on her shoulder
asyraf : twice the man reuben is

at simei, reuben went off and did this kissing action thing to us. hahakz. paedo =) then me jess and asy went off at tamp leaving mich alone. haha. and now, here i am at home. blogging.

overall, it was one of the best days of my life. the part that makes the whole day fanta-bulous was the dinner and journey back home. it was cool hanging out with just us debators. fun, fun, fun.

just found out reuben and jess leaving us at the end of the year. I SO WANNA CRY!!!!!!! dont leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you guys will be missed, totally =)

~~wish today never have to end.~~

2007-03-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

okay. syf date was out last tuesday. 12TH APRIL!!!!!! 19 more days.... argh! our time slot : 9.30am. be in school by : 6am. im loving it =)

band is really taking up alot of my time. but im not complaining. coz i love band =) but again, i am worried sick about mid year. coz it is so close to syf. and for now, i am FULLY devoted to band. haha.

and now, to start practicing for syf, we are gonna cum for saturday practices at 6am everytime. i really love this idea =) im mad.

tomorrow having a movie outing with the debators after the arena finals. watching mr bean!!
im gonna go buy that shirt ive been eyeing on for sometime now. wearing it tmr. cant wait=)

hmmm what else? oh yeah. right. founder's day yesterday. the performance was alright i guess. no major problems except for one part the woodwinds play. but that is normal. and we have to start breaking this cycle.

okay thats it. im outta here.

~~though it seems as if i don't care about you anymore, i still do. and even though things are as they are right now, i don't mind. as long as i see that smile on your face, i'm happy.~~

2007-03-16T20:27:00.001+08:00

All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and hope all the while,wondering if somewhere,somehow there is someone searching for us.

2007-03-16T19:11:00.000+08:00

hey. just got back from anglican high about an hour ago. and i don't really know what to say about just now's performance. and you wanna know something? i feel like giving up. i really do.

have you ever felt like you are sooooo tired of working your head off for something that you want sooooo bad... but everytime you do it, you feel that all your hardwork has not paid off? that's how i feel. in fact, that's how i've been feeling about my life everytime.

first, about the guy. i like him for god-knows-how-long but yet he chooses not to notice or he is just blind. all the effort that i had put in felt like it didn't matter at all.

second, studies. sometimes, i feel that no matter how much effort i put in, it doesn't really matter coz my results are still the same. though i pass, it's never good enough.

and now, thirdly, band. i have so much passion for band and i take every band practice seriously, but it seems that no matter what i do, nothing is good enough. i mean, i don't have the confidence. no matter how much we sacrifice, how much effort we put in, how many hours we practice..... it all goes running down the drain everytime we have to perform infront of an audience.

and just now was especially demoralizing. we had to perform last...... after st margarets, RI, dunearn and anglican. all either gold or gold with honours band. i swear, if i could have the hall all to myself, i would have cried out loud.

seriously. it is HEARTBREAKING to realise that after all the hardwork, effort, passion, sacrifices and time that we had put in, we are STILL not good enough. now do you know why i feel like giving up on the band??

i have so much faith in the band. i really do. i know we can do excellent if only we put our mind to it. we are capable of getting that gold medal, if not gold with honours. its just a matter of putting your mind to it. right now, i don't think the band has that mindset yet.

SYF is coming. fast. and we are seriously running out of time.

omg. i really want that gold medal..... soooooo badly. and i can feel tears coming even when i think of what might happen in the case where we get a silver. i really hope that will never happen. i am praying hard. real hard.

and just prayers and hope will not do it. we need to WORK harder. its tiring. yes. but since we are already half way there, why not we just go full steam ahead right?? we won't want to stop after all the effort that we have put in. might as well put in everything that we've got and be the best we can be.

come on band.

sprint for the gold.

2007-03-15T14:30:00.000+08:00

just saw something that i wished i hadn't seen. im trying very hard to forget the awful incident but yet... sigh. btw, sry since its been long since i last updated this blog. been very busy and besides, now i have to actually manage 2 blogs since i have too many things on my mind.

its the march hols and the first 3 days of the week, i have to attend band. not that i am reluctant coz i love band to bits. i even get to skip some IT enrichment crap. at first i thought that it was a waste not to go to that class. turns out, it was a crappy class. haha. didn't miss out much then.

SYF is looming round the corner. teachers are gonna be ballotting for the date to our SYF. hope they get many, many good luck and get a great day for our SYF performance.

hmmm... anything else? oh, this morning had 2 hours of badminton with my family! haha. i love spending ime with my family, especially with my dad around since he is hardly ever around... but i don't blame him. he's working hard for us =)

holiday assignments????? hmmmm.... lets not go there.

oh. and tomorrow will be the exchange with anglican sec. there will be bands from st. margarets, RI, dunearn, anglican, and some others i think. can't really remember. looking forward to that. and hope tomorrow i can play my trumpet well.

speaking of which... I GOT A BRAND NEW TRUMPET! haha. it is lovely. shiny and new and... wohoo!! thanks to whoever who made the purchase of that trumpet possible.

then, i cannot wait to watch 'the phantom of the opera' this sunday.

and then?

i so wanna watch 'i robot' next sunday but i cant coz i will be going for the grand finale of The Arena.

and then?

its gonna be a great day with the debators next sundiay. i've planned to go watch the new mr bean holiday movie with them before going to The Arena. its gonna be fun. i love hanging out with the debators and band members coz i feel like myself when im with them. i don't have to act and pretend to be something taht i am not. i can be myself. unlike with some other people. fakes.

and then?

then.... ?? i don't know. ill just go with the flow, i guess =) see what life has to offer.

alrighty. i have to migrate to my other blog already. so many things i wanna say.

cya next time! thanks for reading!

2007-03-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

hey everyone. i know its been a long time since i last updated but i've been REALLY busy lately. BAND, debate, studies. everything is taking up so much time. and even while typing this, my mind is on the short emaths test on vectors tmr. n i have yet to study. so... better get rolling.

on tuesday, 6 march, we (nas band) went to Singapore Conference Hall for our SYF rehearsals. i was estatic. the whole rehearsal didn't go that bad. my mouth was too dry halfway through the rehearsal that it badly affected my buzzing, thus, my sound was affected. sigh. what a waste. i had also asked taufiq to record for me using my mp4 when we were playing. after the rehearsal, i heard the recording. it was not fabulous. hate to admit it, but ya... our band is just called a gold medal band. not one. but i still have faith in the band that we can get that gold medal... its just a matter of focusing and wanting that gold medal damn badly.

but i felt that the rehearsal wasn't all there was to that day. i am happy because of somthing beyond band. i realised my true self. the real me. the true value of life. let me explain for you lost souls out there=)

on the journey to SCH that day, i was sitting at the window area. i was listening to my mp4 - 'Move Along'. then, i just stared out from the window. and i saw plants and flowers, and the sky and the cars and everything that i was moving past. and then i felt it. i feel so good to be alive. and i hadn't had that feeling for a long long time... what with the problems with some people and studies and all the stress around me. and that was it. i smiled to myself right there and then.
i am alive, breathing, and all. there is so much life has to offer. i just have to be myself. Life is a miracle. and i am part of it. i felt peace while looking out through the window at that very moment. all the stress that i had in me just disappeared. its like magic..... its just impossible to explain in words.

yesterday, had band practice. everything was alright i guess. just that we are currently borderline silver. NO WAY. the only thing we will be getting is GOLD. or better still (though very very difficult), GOLD WITH HONOURS. haha.

tomorrow?? the last day of school before term break!!

planning to go for a movie outing with debate mates.

cya then!

2007-02-15T19:28:00.000+08:00

sigh.
another day has gone by.
another day of looking at him and wishing he was mine.
another day failing to tell him how much i love him.
another day of realising that i would never have the courage to do so.

hey everyone! argh. 4r1 lost soccer match. 3-5 =( ah well. now they can't say they don't have supporters =)

yes. it has been another day of failing to tell him how much i love him. but i realised that i will never have the courage to do so. sometimes i wish that he would tell me or ask me about it. sometimes i think that he knows i like him. but we just don't seem to want to acknowledge it. i wish he would start this conversation. one thing's for sure though. the one starting this conversation won't be me. either he says something or it will forever remain unsaid.

next up, CNY performance. somehow i have a rather bad feeling about it. but oh well. how bad can it be? even if we screw up, it will be my last year in ngee ann to enjoy the embarrassment and humiliation. and SYF. omg. i am so worried right now. its kinda scary to think that the band doesnt seem to realise just how important this is. i hope they realise what this SYF means... to mr/mrs chua... the school... the alumni..................and us, graduating seniors.

next. on valentines day, found out that the guy i kinda have a tiny crush on (coz he is ultra-cute) already has a gf. ah well. better luck next time huhs?

next. GCE 'O' Level Malay results. A1!!!!!!! Oral?? Distinction!! i never thought i would get distinction for my oral coz the invigilator actually ROLLED her eyes when i answered her question! hahakz. things don't always turn out the way you think they would huhz..

anything else that i have missed out???? hmmm.... don't think so. k. next time then.

chiaos!

i really wish you would say something...

2006-12-23T15:40:00.000+08:00

Today I am very, very slack. I have not done anything since this morning. But I’m going out to eat with my family tonight, at my father’s friend’s restaurant opening. But I am not as excited coz the thought of all my uncompleted homework in my room is stuck in my head. Yes, yes, I know. Maybe I should try completing them. But whenever I have the intention / will to do it, it all disappear the moment I set eyes on those homework. and i have totally lost track of time. i mean, i didn't realise that tomorrow was going to be eve of christmas! no, its not that i am gonna celebrate christmas or anything. just that. OMG. school is going to resume. and it is going to be soon. very soon! and i have alot more to do. i know i won't be able to finish up on time. sigh.

amaths - practice paper. done : 2%
- algebra RGS paper. done : 95%

emaths - practice paper. done : 45%

chemistry - project. done: 85%

biology - practical paper (supposed to hand in b4 school ends but had OBS camp : excuse). done : 97%
- 8 essay questions. done : 0%

social studies - a set of nonsense. done : 0%

e geog - another set of crap. done : 0%

physics - moment (self-study, i think). done : 0%

english - online blogging (i don't have the book, thus, i don't know the words). done : 0%

so do you see now why i am pissed? ah well. do as much as i can la.

another thing. that relationship that i had. gosh. it seemed so long ago. i mean, i never actually thought of how much it actually meant to me. now, after months since then, i started to recall all that has happened. before it, during it, after it. the sweet and the bitter. and up till now, i still don't understand what had happened. it was weird.
but one thing for sure, i am very, very honoured to have met someone like him. he is a great person. i am glad i have met him. i am sorry it had happened actually. not that it was horrible. it was a sweet experience. just that, what if it had never happened? things won't be THIS awkward between us. sigh. i miss those times when we were close.

maybe what people say is true.
good things...
they just never last.

2006-12-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

N SYNC : THIS I PROMISE YOU

Ohh ohh...

When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along..

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby

Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...

2006-12-16T00:29:00.000+08:00

been some time since i last updated. sorry ar. my com has been diagnosed with some kinda syndrome. keep crashing! this results in izzad saying my blog boring. *picks up loud hailer* IZZAD! I DON CARE=) hahakz. he wud be reading this, i think.

im online so late at night tonight. why? bored i guess. oh im chatting with my primary school friend now. he said he thought he saw me at tampines north bus stop ard there. at 4 +pm. wearing blue shirt. nope i was sleeping at home. weird thing is, today i WAS there wearing a blue shirt. but it was ard 12+pm. and i don usually go to that bus stop. coincidence?? too strange.

love is in the air.
definitely.
old ones.
and new ones.

2006-11-22T19:40:00.000+08:00

hey. im waiting for my friend to go online. as you all know, i hate waiting, and i do not write in my blog for no apparent reasons. im only posting an entry coz im bored. period.

since im at it might as well say something right? alright. today, woke up at 4.30am and went off to my mum's shop at ang mo kio. today i want to help her out so i had to wake up that early. sigh. but i had fun working there. it was fun and satisfying working for my mum and besides, i gain the experience you know. just in case i need that experience for some part-time job or something. not that i want to have such a part time job. but just in case. but.. you get the jist. juust came back at 5.30pm just now. i realised that i had an sms waiting since 10.30am in the morning but due to the fact that i was helping my mum out and i had to place my bag containing my hp in a cabinet, there was no way i could have heard it over the noise. i apologized coz i felt guilty for making him wait so long for me to reply. turns out he was asking if i wanted to eat breakfast at afghanistan. well... too bad. even if i did hear my phone and got the message at 10.30am, i would have been at ang mo kio at that time. ah well. there's always a next time... or something.

okay. im seriously bored. argh. *toot*. i forgot tomorrow i had a band camp. great. i just came back from OBS and i have to leave for another camp?! i mean, when can i spend some quality time with my family, for god's sake?! and when i come back from band camp, i have to start working my butt off with my piling homework which, honestly, i really don't know what they are. shit. i hate short holidays. even one month ain't enough. and next year is my o level's year. oh joy. -.-'

mother's calling me! adios!

2006-11-19T16:17:00.000+08:00

hey. it feels so good to be home!
came back from OBS camp on friday, 17th november. at first, i dreaded the time when i had to leave for the camp. but as time passes while i was there, i felt a great sense of belonging and wished that it would never end. but alas, great things are bound to end. the 5-day camp went by in the blink of an eye. sigh. i miss my watch members. MARSHALL!!

Day 1

I was shaking while waiting for the bus that was going to take us to the jetty. rumours had it that you won't be able to bathe for the whole duration of the course, you won't have proper toilets (get the point), and it would be a horrendous camp. so naturally, i was freaked out. upon arrival at the jetty, saw many people. took a ride on the boat to pulau ubin. divided into groups. my group name was marshall. i was kinda disappointed. i was wishing that i would end up being in the same group as aqilah since she was the only one i was really close with. she ended up in the next group called munshi. we then played introductory games and stuff. my group members are : stacy, edmond, andrew, brandon, chong boon, jia rong, chmel, yee may, xiu yin, shariffah, jia ying, shahrum, shi xuan, shin hao, and carolyn. we learned belaying, tying basic knots and we played the 'trust fall' game where you have to fall onto a canvas help by your team mates from a height of... 1 metre. i was the only one who screamed. very loudly. -.- . then went off to bed after eating supper. bunk mates were shariffah, jia ying and stacy!

Day 2

Woke up very early and had to assemble by 5.55 a.m. did our torturing morning PT. then went to kayak! i was paired up with chong boon. first, we learnt how to kayak (the basics). then, we had to go a bit off shore and had to capsize! at first i was scared but i was determined to try it out. and i did it! we then kayak-ed for quite a distance. after that, we did a height element. oh my god. it was horrible. the first part of the climb was to climb the rock-climbing wall. i had no idea what i was doing. chong boon asked me to change places and everyone was screaming to me to step on the purple rock, left leg on green rock, push myself up with my right leg, reach out for the red rock, etc. you get the idea. i was on the brink of giving up. but i was determined and frustrated too. but anyway, i gritted my teeth and pulled myself up... and i did it! then, i had to climb some wooden poles with metal staples on them. that wasn't so hard. then, came the tyres. i had to climb them. again, i had no idea. chong boon patiently walked me through it. he would have completed the whole climb by then if not for the fact that we were connected together with a piece of line called "the buddy line". if i don't move on, he can't either. finally, i managed to get past the tyres, and i don't even know how i did it. came the last part of the climb. the cargo net. i thought it would be easy but suddenly i realised my arms were too tired already. i didn't realise how long i have been up there. i actually wanted to give up already. that very same thought had passed my mind for what seemed like the thousandth time. but i saw my partner there waiting for me and he was encouraging me all the way. i realised someone was depending on me and i had to do it. i used every fibre of my being and pulled myself up till i reached the top. it was finally over. later, i found out i had been up there for more than half and hour. 30 minutes. omg. embarrasing. i apologized to chong boon several times for being so slow but he said never mind.. i did it. and true. i did it. and that was all that mattered. (though it was a very long time). we then packed up and started our land expedition that evening, reaching our campsite at around 7+. since it was too late, we had to cook and build our 'basha' (shelter) in the dark. i cooked. we then slept in the basha on the rocky ground.

Day 3

we started out in the morning after eating breakfast. we learned how to navigate. with the help of a compass and map, we headed out to several checkpoints for clues of our next campsite. we completed several tasks/games. it was dead tiring carrying that heavy load in our backpacks. then, we were held up in the rain. wasted alot of time. but never mind, we did reach our campsite in one piece. it was by the sea. slept in the basha again.

Day 4

sea expedition day. packed our things in bins. loaded them up and set off. we had to row our rowboats all around pulau ubin. for toilet, we are surrounded by it. yes, the sea was our toilet. no way am i gonna do something like that. i emptied out everything before setting out for the expedition. it seemed like countless kilometres. in my boat were me, shariffah, jia ying, stacy, andrew, brandon, shi xuan, and shahrum. it started out tiring and boring. the sun was blazing on us. i felt sick. i drank lots of water. soon, everything started to become fun. we started singing, joking, lots of laughing, and more singing. we even had this beat for coordination. 1, 2...., 3. it was loads and loads of fun. at the end of it, we reached back to our day1 campsite. i was sun-tanned like hell. at night, we did a short night walk, then we had to go through this pitch black tunnel. it was really scary. just a few days ago i told myself i had never actually experienced pitch black before. in that tunnel, it was really pitch black. i was glad to experience it. coz if not, the only other time i might expericence it is in my grave. hehe. slept in bed soundly after a long tiring day.

Day 5

day of departure. Marshall and munshi was supposed to assemble at 5.55 a.m. and guess what? both watches, 32 people, overslept.
shahrum : *looks at andrew's watch*
andrew : *half asleep* what time is it?
shahrum : 6.10. maybe your watch spoilt. *looks at another watch* OI! its 6.10 already! wake up! we are all late!
went over to munshi's bunk and woke them up. we reached the place at 6.40. almost an hour late. went to breakfast. met ourr instructors early. some people went to change their attire. as a result, we were considered late. our wet activity, jetty jump, was cancelled as a consequence. we then had a final morning circle. we thanked everyone and specially someone who made a huge difference. chong boon thanked me for increasing his patience level and etc. (with a hint of sarcasm.. hahakz) i thanked stacy, and chong boon also. i said thanks for making me realise my inner will power and not giving up on me and being patient with me. thanks for encouraging me, etc. that moment was a vulnerable one, for me, and for everyone else. some even cried. it was heart felt.
time to leave. bought souveniours (an OBS t-shirt and an OBS document bag). wished goodby6e to everyone. made our leave.

i miss MARSHALL!!
hope to keep in touch.
and the lessons learnt from OBS will forever be in my heart. it is a life changing camp, a camp like no other. and i have no regrets at all.

MARSHALL RAWK!

2006-11-12T15:18:00.000+08:00

hey. its been years since i last blogged. my computer crashed.. seems like it met with a freak accident or something... hahkz.
well.. life right now is alright i guess. tomorrow im going off to Outward Bound Singapore (OBS) camp at pulau ubin. hahakz. its a 5 days course. hope everything goes well. pray for me ya u guys?
as for the "guy", everything is alright now i think. feelings are sort of neutral. i guess i was just confused and mixed up. now, everything seems clear. and to aqilah, i am not in love =)
but still....

its hard knowing you, loving you, losing you.

2006-10-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

i can never get him, i know. urgh, it just hurts so much!
i tried forgetting him, i really did. then, things happen suddenly. and here i am, back at square one. i cannot forget him la. it just... almost impossible. i just need to tell this to someone... i really need to... but who?????????

today hari raya. it was alright. i dont really feel the hari raya spirit this year though.... quite sad and boring ar.. hmmm.. nvm la. this would be it for today. im not in the mood for blogging with all this pent up anger towards my sister.. sisters... sigh. sometimes they just make ur blood boil. i swear i can feel my blood boiling thru my veins just now. aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!!

bubbye =

2006-10-18T09:57:00.000+08:00

hey. at last i can post. urgh. i received this email regarding my blog having characteristics of a spam. ?!?!?!?!

aniwaes, exams are long over!!
great?
hmm.. i am bored to death actually.... frankly, i rather be studying like hell rather than sit on my couch in front of the sofa staring at the tv.. and be a couch potato. it is tiring. really. tiring in a different way... =(

what to do? the only things that i can do are baking goodies for hari raya (cakes, cookies, etc.) and spring cleaning.... baking? fun. spring cleaning... erm.. a bore.

i am currently in my school's mega math lab. we are supposed to do a presentation about deepavali and hari raya. the way things are going... the performance put up by 3r1 won't be a magnificent one. ah well. so long as they don't embarrass themselves, its alright, i guess. i can't help much in this though. too bad la.

today after school have band. and debate. clash... again. i won't be making it to the debate this time. i will be attending band this time around. syf is next year and looking at things the way they are now... it will be a struggle just to get silver. i really, really wish that we can continue carrying ourselves as a gold medal band. sigh. and the set piece isn't a joy either. mrs chua had mentioned to me that it was tough. not just any tough, but really tough. argh. it is just not helping. i just hope that we will have the spirit of getting a gold medal soon. very soon.

la la la. i am super bored right now. hmm.. i think i shall go friendster or something. i want adventure!! oh! and hari raya is 6 days from now!! yeah!
but malay o-level is in 12 days time. hahahakz. crazy.

and i have gotten my end-of-year papers back. the results? hmmm.. shall tell you the overall results in my next post.
that is, if i am in the mood to :)

alrighty.
bye!

2006-10-03T22:10:00.001+08:00

Ahah! finally, a day off my busy life.. i have so many things to tell... so little time, but nvm. ill do my best =)

MY DREAM.
weird environment,
surrounded by strangers.
there you were,
the only person i knew.
we went out together,
spent time alone,
taking a stroll through the garden,
and climbed up a hill.
when the time comes,
for me to take my leave,
i sat there in my vehicle,
and i saw you staring back at me.
you ran up the hill where we once sat together,
waving to me while i was driving away.
i sat at the rear end and waved back.
you stared at me, with that look in your eyes.
that longing for me to never go away.
i sat there, gazing at your beautiful face.
the distance between us growing with each passing second,
i just can't bear it.
then suddenly your other friends appeared.
i hid behind a cushion.
i was shy.
all i wanted to say was those three words.
so easy yet so tough.

as suddenly as it had started,
it ended.
i wished that moment would never end.
but it did, just like any other.
i wished i could tell you how i feel.
but that moment is now gone, forever.
though i can tell you now,
it just can't escape my mouth.
i dare not.
the moment may be gone,
but i will never forget it,
nor will i ever forget you.

some people say,
dreams are real.
just like life.
it only occurs in a different setting,
and there's no limitations to it.
but life,
well, its a whole different story.
for me??
that is the only chance i can ever own him.
dreams and life doesnt have much of a difference, does it?
its just that we are in the unconscious state of mind.
just like sleep walking.
the only thing is, we take control of life,
but we cannot take control of dreams.
thats the beauty of it.
its so unpredictable.
we dont have to do anything.
just go with the flow.

and what's sleep?
i mean, how do we know we are not sleeping right now?
life is just like an endless sleep.
and when we wake up?
that is what we humans on this earth call 'die'.
in the end, we die, dont we?
we just have to wake up sometime.
sadistic?.. nah. just a fact.

and why am i saying all this?
THE WAKING LIFE.
the movie has seriously gotten into my head.

2006-09-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

Life.
So unfair.
The most un-deserving gets it all.
it is so not fair.
why?
WHY??
its not only in one particular case.
its everything.
it works that way.
the people who deserves it most doesn't get anything.
the person who don't deserve it gets it... all.
i don't know.
luck?
fortune?
karma?
ARGH!!!!
IT IS SO UNFAIR.
I HATE THIS.
argh... go f off la.

2006-09-18T21:43:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...
if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were
so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own...
when you least suspect it,
or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had,
but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...
for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection
was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger .

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how
you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)

What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends
with all of my family and they know I love them?

People live, but people die.
I want to tell you that you are a friend.

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)
you would be in my heart.
Would I be in yours?

If you care about me as much as I care about you, you will send this back.

You might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say..
even if I never talk to you again in my life..
you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life. =)

I look up to you..
respect you..
truly cherish you..
most of all..
I CARE about you.

Send this to all your friends,
no matter how often you talk.
or how close you are,
and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,
and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend.
someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,
just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing
somebody out there cares about you and...
always will..

I care about YOU !!
Thanks for being my friends and I appreciate it..
I will never forget u eventhough if u are not close to me
Friendship never dies!!!

This goes to you, if you know who you are, though you have no way of knowing.
but wth. that's besides the point. just go figure who you are on your own.
i hope you get this.
there is no other way of telling you this anymore.
this is my last resort.

2006-09-05T15:23:00.000+08:00

i know that something has changed
never felt this way
and right here tonight
this could be the start of something new
it feels so right
to be here with you
and now looking in your eyes
i feel in my heart
the start of something new.

sigh. i keep thinking of him.
i don't know. been thinking lately. i mean, come on. its just... almost impossible..
but, you know, when you want something so badly and you keep convincing yourself that it is possible? that someday it can and will happen? that is how i feel right now. but oh, how nice it would be if he knows how i feel. give me the courage tell him. the only thing stopping me is the worry that things might turn out ugly and stuff and i certainly don't want us to be awkward. i value our friendship as much as anything. just that.. like people say.. its never enough. there's got to be more than that. yeah.. if only. so, to be on the safer side, i'll just keep this to myself and try to focus more on my studies rather than him. but even that is a great struggle. you know, when im totally absorbed in my studies, suddenly he pops into my mind and suddenly i wouldn't want to do anything else but dream about him. gosh.

how do you know when you are truly in love?
just thinking about him makes you smile?
after talking to him, everything seems beautiful?
the very sight of him makes you smile and light-hearted?
every conversation with him you rememeber?
you feel as if you know him better than you know yourself?
you finish his sentences for him?
every breath you take reminds you of him?
are all these symptoms of what you call... love?

so many questions, so little time.

2006-08-28T19:39:00.000+08:00

hey. been quite some time since i last update but yeah. as usual. busy like a bee. overtime. sigh. ain't life supposed to be fun and stuff? i mean, people say "work hard now, enjoy later". and i thought to myself "yeah right. if i worked hard to have a bright future, and if my bright future is to become a brain surgeon, wouldn't i have to work doubly hard when im a surgeon??? omg. then, my life would just be hrd work all the way!" gosh. what a horrible thought. ah well. life is just about listening to what people/parents/teachers/elders say.

study hard + hardwork + effort = bright future + easy life

this equation is seriously unbalanced.

anyway, i don't know how to say this. i hate this feeling in me. only god knows how much i like him. and i can't do anything about it. im bursting to tell him.. but i don't have the courage. how??? gosh, life is so complicated when love is involved. sigh, seems like he will never know this feeling i have for him. argh. it will just end up like how it did in primary six. nothing happened.

you know what? there is this song sang by the singapore idols.. the chinese-english song. it goes something like "ni ni ni ni ni ni ni ni wonderful. wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo i love you." and in it, there is a part that says "i just can't live without you. i'll never know if you're in love with me."

thats it. thats just it! i mean, gosh. if i were to tell... what if he gives a negative reaction? then, we would be awkward with each other. but what if he gives a positive reaction??? if i don't dare tell him, i shall never know.... and i have a feeling... i will NEVER know. help.. =(

thats it for now. i just need to think through this. i mean, weigh the possibilities, the pros and the cons. gtg now. need to study for bio. honestly, i have no mood at all.. i don't feel like studying bio today.. in fact, i don't feel like doing anything today except lay in bed and think/dream.

goodbye for now.

i love you.

2006-08-16T20:32:00.000+08:00

crappy day. but im working hard on not caring much. leave school matters where it should be... in school. but yeahs.. sucked at the end.

aniwaes, today P.E. was damn freaking fun!!! played floorball.. we screamed, shouted, yelled, and there was a hell lot of laughing!!!!!! really... it was very fun. ss test returned back to us today.. omg.. i got 17/25! this just goes to show... studying actually WORKS. wow. hahakz.

then, had this workshop, then band. but it was over. then confronted bao hui. things didnt turn out all that pretty. but not gonna dwell much on it. just that, afiq. learn to LISTEN. im fed up with you not listening to what i have to say. everytime. sigh.

and, i had wanted to write this for a long time oready. its been a long time since i sat down with you girls (nooraini, amalina, afiqah, liyana, iffah) during recess. just that i brought food from home and i eat it in class. i wouldn't want to bring my packed food into the canteen. and its not that im anti-social or avoiding you girls. try to understand. and when everytime you aks me to go out with you all i say no right? that's coz im broke. im saving my money. and if i were to go out with you all, i dont have the money to participate in all the activities that you all take part in. besides, im sort of a stay-at-home girl sometimes. not that i don't want to go out ever! i would love to go out with you all and loosen up sometimes but yeah.. hope you understand=)

thats it for now.
ciaoz!~

2006-08-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

today. i was a happy kid bouncing around all day long till after assembly. i came back class. in the centre of my table was this brown envelope, with my waterbottle weighing it down. i was asked to enter this debate competition called 'the arena'. shucks. i mean.. come on. i was a last resort. but yeahs. i do realise i have to build up my self-confidence.. soon. very soon. thank you ms yanti for being yet another person to tell me to be confident with myself. i appreciate it but i don't know how to work on it. i thought i was just being very humble.. now i know its low self-esteem that im suffering from.. S.O.S. help me =(

so.. had been a great, fruitful week. i studied quite a bit.. so i feel satisfied now. hahakz.
for band... hmm.. i dont know. i still dont look forward to going to band like i used to. not because of what i study in band. i love music and i love playing my trumpet, trust me on that. but.. maybe its the poeple there that makes me reluctant to go for band. ah well. let us see how it goes.

gonna keep entries short n sweet from now on. hahakz.
hey.. at least i update okay?
ouh.. n im changing my password for some reason.
get the password from me soon.
i most probably changing by next week??
alright.
cya then!

2006-08-07T21:04:00.000+08:00

hey.. here are some pictures of events that i had been involved in. happy viewing!

future scientists of 3R1 =)

*me, iffah & zai wang : (future scientists)*

2006-08-02T19:18:00.000+08:00

hey you people! asking why i have a password right now? haahakz.. for privacy of course! i shall be more open from now on then right? and to you reading this, since you can read it, it means that you hold my password. and my trust too. you might be generous, but don't be too generous as to pass around my password, thank you.

credits to elliotz for giving me the password template for my blog =)

alright. today was yet another sucky day, as was yesterday. yesterday, i couldnt stop myself from crying. it was during recess time. i went to the toilet and cried. after feeling slightly lighter, i wiped away my tears fiercely and stepped out. i went to my best friend samir and wanted to say something.. but i couldnt. i was too choked up to say what's bothering me. then, without having any control over my tears, my eyes start to well up. thank god my tears didn't flow. i was too stressed at that moment. and that was the reason why i couldn't stop crying.

samir was so nice. though he couldn't help me much, by being there and asking if i was okay and if he could help me, at least i felt better. im sorry coz you didn't know what happened and i couldn't tell coz i was choked up. i know you try to understand everytime i have a problem but yeah. you know me. i don't really open up much. i'll work on it. but thanks!

then after school, i was still sort of stressed so i called liyana and samir and asked them out for lunch. ate at mac. then i walked them both back to school. somehow, i found myself walking back to class and just wasting time there with samir and others. then, went home. end of the day.

today, malay class won 2nd place for the quiz! muahaha. yesterday we were last. then we continued today. and we got 2nd. yeah man. i was happy. we proved ourselves. then, got back physics paper. omg. only god knows how nervous i was. i took my paper without looking at the marks. i took a peek. i gasp and was relieved. i actually got 43/50! i was so happy as i realised there is still hope left for me. passing physics exams with flying colours is still a possibility.

but happiness never lasts. during band, it just sucked. SUCKED. thats all i can say. whatever people. i don care animore. and dont ask me to help you guys anymore, coz i dont care. i am dedicated to band, not you guys. so get out of my sight freaks, coz here i am and i dont woish to see you irritating, backstabbing freaks who call yourselves friends or whatever that is that you call it. i don care. I DON GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU GUYS ANYMORE. and to my junior who was caught, hahakz. served you right. it was just my day. and how dare you put your nck as 'angst...ridden...?' one word for that. bullshit.

yeahs. and one piece of advice gotten from jezer (thank you =)) what happens in school, leave it there. leave it in school and dont bring it home with you. coz its not worth it. seriously.

oh yeahs. by the way, almost got knocked down by a car turning towards my direction. i was inches from getting knocked down. maybe coz i was so angry i didn't care about safety. sigh, really. its just not worth it.

ah well. a very tiring day has almost come to its end. and im exhausted. i shall retire now.
cherios!
muackz!

2006-07-26T09:38:00.000+08:00

hey people. bet you guys are saying "at last!" huhz??
hahakz.. sorry its been such a long time since i updated my blog. been busy lately especially yeasterday. guess what? on friday, there was a group of boys from Melbourne High Boys School that came to ngee ann! yesterday, the chorale boys performed along with ngee ann, tampines sec, and pasir ris sec choirs. boys, were they hot! argh.. i even get to take pictures with alot of them! don't worry, i will put up the pictures once i reach home. as for now, im in mega math lab during english lesson. ah well.. this is a better practice of english rather than compre (which i dislike by the way).

oh. and we also had our investiture. 24-25 july 2006. 7th sc investiture. 24 july, upper sec. 25 july, lower sec. it was alright.. though personally, i prefer last year's sequence. but, its over aniwaes, and for the next investiture, i will be te one graduating! alright!

ouh! and before my junior scolds me again for not updating my blog about the band FIESTA held at the Botanic gardens, i better give you a short summary of what happened.
On that sunday morning, we went to school. i was terribly worried as i found out the previous night that they forgot to bring out my instrument from the store room that was going to be locked on the actual day. damn, i had to warm-up using a cornet that mrs chua brought for me... i amost cried but, held back. warmed-up. hair sprayed our hairs with different colours and glitter. set off to botanic gardens. upon arrival, thank god, st margaret school had a trumpet brought for me... and voila! it was brand new!! yay! was i overjoyed or what. then set up chairs, rehearsed and waited for a bit till our time has come for the actual performance. a ew minutes before it starts, guess what? my whole family came (excluding my first sis)... and my grandparents and aunty toooooo!!!! gasp. and i had a solo performance standing up with gerold too. ah well... thank god that went well. and thats it la.. nothing much.

and btw, people are complaining that my blog takes a very long time to upload... like.. now. cheryl and iffah complaining! hahakz.. okay la. since it takes a long time to upload just to find out i have not updated yet, i shall put in extra effort to upload as often as possible alright? hahakz.. enjoy reading! bubbye for now!

2006-07-08T13:36:00.000+08:00

hey. just got back from this debate outing at hdb hub at toa payoh, hosted by mediacorp called 'The Arena'. it was quite fun la. hahakz.
but again. i don feel like im in the group, like im part of it. i mean... yeahs they are the greatest people to be around with, i give u tht. but, i donno. i feel like an outsider. as always during anything tht has anything to do with debate. eveytime somethings cuming up, i look forward to it with a hope tht things will turn out differently, but yeah. somethings just dont change. and i always feel tht way wherever, whenever. sigh. hate it. but yeah. debate is something tht makes me keep going on.. besides band&music. n even though i feel left out or feel like an outsider, i still love 'em. =)

know what? sometimes i think even if i were to go out and get myself lost, disappear into thin air, die even... i dont think anyone will notice my absence.

im up to the point of crying. losing my mind. breaking down.
thts a reality.

2006-06-29T22:14:00.000+08:00

i'm not the jealous type
who doesn't sleep at night
you've got your karma
i know
i've got mine
and all my tears will air dry
with just a little time
you only wanted it
once i was over it
you'll go you way
i know
i'll go mine
and all my tears will air dry
with just a little time.

hey. i've been wondering lately if what i think someone is, is really who they are. i mean, i don't feel appreciated or cared? i don't know. most of the time i feel as if im being used. as in, when they need me most, they would always talk to me and i will always help them in whatever way i can. but when they don't, its as if suddenly, im invisible. wow. i did write a previous entry about feeling as if im being used.. but the thought surfaced in my mind again.

im not against people telling me their problems and stuff. i feel great when they do that coz i know im trusted. and i hate it when they suddenly stop. but, sometimes, i do have problems of my own you know. and i too, just like any other humans, need someone to tell it to. and to who else is better than to your friends? and yeahs. i feel like they dont care about me?

im like a machine;
giving answers and advices to people,
but not given the care that i need.
coz to you,
im nothing more than just a piece of metal.

so.. i hope that they do realise this and not feel offended or misunderstand this. coz i really need to tell everything inside me.. i might burst if i don't. just that you have a lot to say, and i don't have the heart to stop you. coz that's what friends are for.

i feel like i've been putting them before myself all this time.. im always the last on my list. and my brain can't even function by the time i get there, if ever.

coz everybody tries to put some love on the line
and everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
and even when im scared i have to try to fly
sometimes i fall
but i've seen it done before
i've got to step outside these walls.

2006-06-28T20:27:00.000+08:00

hey. im sort of in a pissed mood right now. but wth. im only writing this coz i have not updated for quite some time. nothing much has happened since the last entry. just that, school has reopened. sigh. i mean, to some extent, it is sort of a relief and i was somewhat looking forward to it. but then again, i wud miss those times when i can wake up late and slack on the couch in front of the tv all day long. good times dont last forever.

aniwaes, something happened on tuesday. it wasnt a big deal. nothing much happened aniwaes. but i didnt know why i was so happy. i mean, its wrong. i didnt even realise when it happened. it just did. n im not gonna elaborate more on it. its dangerous. hahakz.

kz. thts it for now. just wish me luck trying to survive in band right now. sigh.
nitez.

2006-06-20T15:35:00.000+08:00

You won't admit you love me
And so
How am I ever
To know
You only tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
A million times
I ask you
And then
I ask you over
Again
You only answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't wanna' wind up
Being parted, broken hearted
So if you really love me
Say yes
But if you don't, dear,
Confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

such a cute song isnt it?

hey. rainy weather today. gloomy. but thank god not yesterday.
yesterday went to gathering at costa sands resort. went to the chalet and had bbq too. i received an sms at around 2pm asking me to go. it was so last minute. i suddenly decided to go. i didn't know exactly why i wanted to go and decided that so last minute. but i have a clue why i wanted to go yesterday instead of today. in the sms, there was extra information about something which i don't feel like disclosing to you readers. =)

met up at bus stop with nooraini, ain (nooraini's sis), iffah, and liyana. went there. took wrong bus at first. at last, we walked all the way from interchange to the chalet itself. hahakz. aniwaes, upon reaching, met up with faika (sorry.. dunno how to spell!) and haikal. needed someone above 18 to check-in. lucky haikal there. aniwaes, we then checked-in and when the rest went to buy snacks and stuff, me and ain went to marinate the chickens!! ahahakz. so fun, massaging that marinating sauce into the chicken. was messy fun.

then after slacking, went to bbq. setting up fire was tough job. thank god someone came in the nick of time and saved us from starvation. hahakz. exaggeration. he set up the fire. credits to haikal for setting up the fire and cooking and faika for cooking and serving us! hahakz.

a group of us didn't know what to do. we felt terrible for just sitting there doing nothing and being served but yeahs. sorry and thanks for the food guys! yummy!

and then, we chatted among that group. walked around with my great friend, samir. talked about stuff and.. stuff. aniwaes, after that, farewell. darn it.

i really didn't want to leave but had to. said bubbye to all. then liyana and samir sent me till outside the place itself. hahakz. thanks u guys. u guys are the best! then, asked liyana to say bye from me to... someone. yeahs.

went home. my cousins were there. and talked and eat and stuff and yeahs. bed time. tired. then woke up in the morning and bla bla bla... and here i am. bored and always thinking of the stacked up homeworks under my table that has yet to be completed. damn. school's reopening in like 5 freaking days time. urgh. time sure flies when there is no torture and stress from school. sigh. damn. have to do my homework la.. before there is no time and i will be dead meat by then.

bubbye! ciaoz!

2006-06-15T19:32:00.000+08:00

heys. guess what? i was down with stomach flu since monday. damn virus. i felt like dying. really. urgh. and i was forced to be absent from band for monday and wednesday... 2 band practices! omg. sigh. oh well. luck i guess.

aniwaes.. that time my friend invited me to watch the soccer match held in school on monday, 12 june. i said i had band. but i will try and make it somehow. even if i just get a tiny glimpse. but hey presto! i was sick. absent from band. didnt get to see the match. great.

oh. and that's not all. my friend just told me. he played in the match too. he as in.. him. you know. the one that i saw at the concert and at the bus stop and.. yeah. i think u got it. The person. aniwaes. yeahs. he played too. i mean, that news just came smacking into my face.

its not the first time. its not the second time. and no. its not the third time. its a gazillion times! i mean.. ok. fine. its just my luck huhz.. but oh well. we'll meet each other when we meet each other. sigh. just that. omg. that news just smacked me so unexpectedly i was staring at the computer screen with my brain in my head screaming "damn it! why get sick on that day? why me?? why?!?!?!" but yeah. what power do i have to change the past huhz? let it be.

. fate . destiny . hope . luck .

not on my side.

but who knows what fate has in store...

2006-06-08T17:43:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

but yet, you still fall in love.

~Neil Gaiman quotes (English born American Novelist, Journalist, Screenwriter, Children's author and Comics writer of American Gods, amongst many others, b.1960)

2006-06-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

hey hey! woke up at 1pm today. was soooo tired yesterday after the concert, yet i managed to sit infront of the computer playing games on msn messenger till almost 2am. crazy? of course.

yesterday's concert was a blast. even though it was the shortest concert ever performed, the start of the concert was already fun. it sets the mood of the whole concert. and for my solo part with 2 other seniors, phew. we got through it. luckily. coz i really thought that i would not be able to stand up even. i had a terrible stomach pain a few minutes before we had to gather on stage. i told my senior, if it still is painful, i will not stand up. thank god it was fine. and it was fun, just fun fun fun all the way. after band was over, then i went to find my friends in the audience. saw amalina and her friends. saw someone else there too. omg. almost forgot he was gonna be there.. then, when at the end, went home with samir, liyana, amirul and shafizan. on the way, met with afiqah and decided to go home together, but somehow, we lost each other along the way. we also met amalina and her friends at the bus stop. he was there too. i, as always when near him, get nervous and shy. i tried to avoid his eyes, something that i always do and end up regretting afterwards but wth. i said bye in general. then went home. i was so tired, i slept in the bus from kallang to tampines interchange. kept thinking about it but,seriously. i sometimes hate doing the things that i do, or sometimes, things that i don't do. but really.. it just pisses me off. aniwaes, i think that the idea is too far-fetched. sigh.

hopes and dreams becoming reality?? not for me.

2006-06-05T20:30:00.000+08:00

hey. guess wat? after sleeping at 2am yesterday, spending the whole night chatting with elliotz, i woke up late for band. not ANY late... one and a half hours late. 1 1/2 hours! omg. i was supposed to be in school at 8am. i set my alarm clock at 6.45am. somehow, i switched off all my handphone alarms without realising each one of them. i was that sleepy. and i woke up when i heard my handphone ringing. when i saw who was calling, my brain, being slow at work since i just woke up, suddenly said "how come i am this free? aren't i supposed to be somewhere now?" then i saw my senior's name on my handphone. jezer was calling me. suddenly my brain snapped. omg. im late for band! i picked up the phone with shaking hands and said sorry profusely. i quickly got myself ready. when i reached the school, the percussion ensemble just ended their piece! when i entered the hall, boy was i lucky. the emcee was just announcing the songs the band was gonna perform.. our cue to start playing. PHEW. i was IN time. i couldnt have been luckier.
aniwaes, i had phobia since. so just now in the evening, i slept. i woke up suddenly, i dont know why. then i saw my handphone. my senior called me. i thought i was late for band again. i saw the clock. 6.30. i rushed outside and saw my mum. this was what happened :

me : omg. what time is it??
mum : its 6.30
me : huhz? in the morning??
mum : no.. at night la.
me : wth. PHEW.

what was i thinking? so kanchiong. hahakz. i was so shakened, i actually took my handphone and set the alarm right after that. hahakz. i mean, of course la. never mind being a kiasu, tomorrow is the big day. better safe than sorry. just in case i accidentally sleep and forget to set my alarm. aniwaes, i just finished cycling by my sister's side; me, cycling and she, jogging. so refreshing. aniwaes, im tired. so off i shall go now. tonight, i shall prepare everything and make sure i have all that i need. wish me luck and hope everything goes well tomorrow! oh, and there's Grey's Anatomy on channel 5 tonight! i'm never gonna miss that one!

oh, n not forgetting...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUHAN! (a.k.a. mr seah!)
may all your wishes and dreams come true. you (and your purple shirt) will be missed when you stop teaching in ngee ann! although you will be coming back for scouts, u being a teacher and letting us debators see an inside view of a teacher's life, its just different! well, happy birthday again! oh, and u ask me to lay off about your purple shirt? out of the question!

2006-06-05T00:41:00.000+08:00

hey! its now 12:38a.m. and i have no idea why in the world i am still awake when i have a combine rehearsal tomorrow at 8a.m. aniwaes, since i am so bored, i hav decided to write stuff about all of my friends. hmm.. i wonder why the suddenness of all this. aniwaes, start off.

michelle - never fails to make me smile and laugh. she is so funny! she is also very nice and smart. hahakz. and she has an admirer. ooo..

jessica - violent gothic girl. tsk3.. hahakz. i never fail to quarrel with her eveytime, yet we are not enemies. weird huhz?

liyana - loyal friend. most of the time, she's there when you need her. worry too much over things that doesn't matter.

zansher - pure evil, though nice. sometimes.

wei liang - always taking the lead. though nice.

zhan - so happy always and is a good friend when you are down.

ruhan - hahakz. i never fail to stop teasing him about his purple shirt. but he is a very nice person.

jason - the guy who came up with the insults for our debate team calling us 'people who live in a vacuum'.. though everyone does since the universe itself is a vacuum. a good debator.

stacy - very protective and caring. she is a very, very good friend.

gary - blur, blur but still a good sport. he is a very fun and nice friend.

daryl - mat kental.. hahakz. always irritate him.. he is a very nice guy actually..

aetiiqcaz - omg. him again. hahakz.. jkjk. he is a nice guy too. always hugging daryl. muahaha..

elliotz - very good leader. very friendly and so nice! helps people whenever he can. but he is.. argh! loves hanging people at the climax.. suspense.. and loves confusing people. he is a meanie. don ever try to hold a conversation with him for long during msn. he will just confuse and confuse you.. hahakz.

done. thts it for now. nitez!!!

2006-06-03T16:15:00.000+08:00

hey! im feeling great today! the ALTC (Advanced Leadership Training Course) was one of the greatest camp ever! okay. here's wat happened.

Day 1:
went school. reported group strength (i was ic then). then went on the bus. sat wif nooraini. talked crap all the way till we reached the campsite about 20 minutes later. upon arrival, after everything else was settled, we went straight to our first activity. we learnt the skill of belaying. up, back, change, slide. hahakz. then i tried belaying one of my team mates, Elliotz. gosh. i was scared when he jumped off. i wasnt strong enough perhaps. luckily there was an achor man. helped me out. stopped me from flying up. phew. ok. then, went to eat lunch. then, had public speaking curse. first half.. fine. second half...zZzZzZz..... then, eat again.. dinner. then, went forr night walk. fun as hell. while waiting, we crapped alot. my group consisted of : me, Elliotz, Stacy, Gary, Daryl, Aetiiqcaz, Indra, Jaslyn, Jia Yuan, Syazwani. they rock! aniwaes, we crapped while waiting for our turn to go for the night walk. when i was in there wif stacy, i was at first scared but eventually, i wasnt as scared anymore. luckily stacy was there. thanks. then after the night walk ended, supper. then, that day was our group's turn for toilet duty. alright. let's not go there.

Day 2:
woke up at 5.45am. omg, i was still sleepy. had a rough night coz i woke up ard 3am in the morning with my whole body shaking as if i was on drugs. i was literally, shaking. i think i was too cold. i had a sleeping bag but i had opened it up the previous night since stacy didnt bring one. but i was too cold. i felt so tired shaking so much with my teeth chattering. i tried waking stacy up 3 times but she didnt wake up. i didnt want to shake her too hard. she was sleeping and i felt bad trying to wake her up and taking my sleeping bag away from her. at last, the girl beside her told me it was 3am n i told her help me wake stacy up and open up her sleeping bag to share with stacy instead. thank god she understood and helped me out. i went into the sleeping bag and hugged myself till i slept. had morning exercise. then breakfast. then comes the fun/scary part. high elements activities. first stop for our group : flying fox. wow. i sat at the endge of the building structure thingy and looked down. then suddenly something snapped in me. "what the hell was i thinking? where am i? what am i doing here?" i was scared of heights. but i was talking to myself saying i have to do this. i was forcing myself. the when the trainer behind me said relax. don worry. i breathed in and out as steadily as i can. once they said runway clear, i was like.. wait! but the trainer said, "dont wait anymore. stand up. lean forward!" and suddenly, something inside me said"go. don think. the longer you think, the more bad things you will think about." so i said, ouh. ok then. and i just stood and did it. i was squealing to ms teo and friends while hanging and swinging to and fro : "yes! i did it!" i was so happy, i was beaming. i was aesthetic. and then did some other overcoming-fear-of-height-activities. then, lunch. public speaking where i spoke something abt friendship forged in debate team. the comes the great part. PERFORMANCE. MASS DANCE. while in the process of learning the steps and putting bits and pieces together, i was called for the EXCO interview. wth. luckily i got ms teo and ms chen. phew. it was a short interview. i don't think i will be in the exco team. but nvm. aniwaes, the performance night was great. we had tons of fun dancing and playing games. wohoo. then, it was all over for a small group of us. we had to go off earlier than the other campers coz the next day we had rehearsals. damn it. i almost cried when ms teo gave her speech. she was about to cry, but was trying hard not to. touching. hen, i almost cried when i was saying goodbye to all the group members. ran to bunk, packed bag, wrote a small note for the other group 5 members, ran to bus, slept on the journey home, reached home, showered, used the computer for a short while, slept.

2nd June:
Rehearsals. my bones and muscles were aching. played for the rehearsals. saw the bus arrived back from camp. ran and screamed when i saw stacy and other campers. said bubbye. ms teo asked if i wanted to join them for a short speech in the canteen. damn, band was up to perform at that exact moment. sigh, i couldnt make it. then i played. this time, i and 2 of my seniors (all of us 1st trumpet players), had to stand up and play the solo part in the song 'Carnaval De Brasil'. was scared but yeahs. i hav to overcome my fears. then, tired, went home.

thats it. for now. been typing alot. tired. bubbye!

Group 5 rawks!

2006-05-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

today must be like one of the worst days of holidays.. even if holidays just started. my family and i was supposed to go to the beach today. the reasons that we didnt go..:
1) rained
2) the cabinet in my sister's room decided to fall.. what a convenient time it picked to fall.
3) have to fix it..
4) well.. while we are at it, why not fix everything that needs fixing in my house???
5) have to clean up after all the work..
6) what was planned to be a day full of excitement and fun turned out to be a screwed up day.
7) to add on to it, while keeping something, i accidentally brushed against the plastic flowers in a ceramic vase in front of the cabinet. CRASH!
8) my mum said that it happened coz i was angry and i was doing things harshly and hurriedly. great. blame it on me. %$#!

im totally pissed. i went to throw out the trash and took a really long time. decided to walk around first to cool down. i've decided to try out something new that im definite will work. though it might have its setbacks. when im angry, im gonna shut myself up, go to my room and lock myself inside while plugging my earphones into my ears and switching on music full blast. im gonna shut myself out from the world for a while, seeing that i cannot just walk out of the house to cool down. i will just keep everything inside. the bad side of this? all the anger will be pent up inside of me. one day, surely, i will explode. it will take time, but it will definitely happen one day. and when that day comes, things are gonna be ugly. but yeah. it is better than to shout my mind out whenever im angry. it saves my energy, coz speaking my mind to my family, it seems, is as good as speaking my mind to a bunch of rocks or the wall. even then, it will not be as frustrating talking to the wall coz at least i know that it cannot respond, whereas my family can. they just choose not to. oh well.. my luck.

aniwaes, today, nothing much happened, as you can see.. but from tmr onwards, im gonna be quite packed.

Monday, 29 May 2006.
8:00 - 12:00 Physics course

Tuesday, 30 May 2006.
12:30 - 4:30 Physics course

Wednesday, 31 May 2006
7:00 - ??? ALTC Camp @ dairy farm.
Thursday, 1 June 2006
ALTC Camp... go home in the evening.

Friday, 2nd June 2006
7:00 - ??? Rehearsals for combine concert. (came back early from altc camp becoz of this)

Saturday, 3rd June 2006
-hav to register my ppd card.
-buy contacts.. not confirmed.

Sunday, 4th June 2006
2:00 - 4:00 Ms Yanti's wedding

Monday, 5th June 2006
BAND PRACTICE. eve of concert.

Tuesday, 6th June 2006
combine concert @ kallang theatre.

Friday, 9th June 2006
family outing to zoo and police academy. im sort of looking forward to going to the zoo.. long time since i went there. hahakz.

Wednesday, 21 June 2006
Hai Sing concert.. gg there coz my god brother said he oready bought the tickets. just for that reason. sigh.

* not included yet in the schedule : possible sc meetings, band practices, dinner wif debators, movie, and other outings.

done. thts it for now. planning wif debators on when to go for tht dinner. sigh. hate organizing.
nitez.

2006-05-26T23:15:00.000+08:00

hey. today was a normal day.. slightly more exciting than normal..
had parents meeting today. first my sis went.. i followed.. went to my old primary school... hahakz.. then bla bla bla.. after tht, went to my school... parents meet in one of the classrooms.. i hav to thank ms kum for being so nice and not saying anything negative about me. oh.. and also realising my parents tht i am pressured, though i dont think they get the picture. but.. it was worth a try. then, went home.. sleep for a while and went to meet jess and mich. hahakz.. supposed to meet at 4.. reached at 4.30.. so sorry girls! but if u shud hav known me well enuf by now.. im always late.. though i hate waiting for ppl.. hahakz. aniwaes, luckily they weren't that angry.. right? okay.. moving on. we went to search for ms yanti's wedding present and then when they all left, i made plans wif my sis thru the phone. plan to meet up and buy spectacles for her and my mum and have dinner together. while waiting for them to arrive at the interchange, i walked around.. i went to the shops near tampines stadium.. missed tampines stadium and sports hall. long time didn't go there. aniwaes, saw ppl playing soccer there. bet my god brother was there. then when my mum and sisters arrived, went to buy specs and then went s11 to eat. while waiting for my mum and sis to buy food, i and my younger sis was sitting and talking about practically nothing. suddenly my sister was laughing her head off at something behind me. i turned and saw my god brother there. hahahakz. was so shocked. oh! and it was the first time i saw his botak head! so cute! hahakz. he then went home after buying food, and then i ate wif my family. then ya la.. when full then went home.. and here i am now. and gosh am i tired. my exam results? wasnt tht satisfying. i know i can do so much better. and i promise to myself that i will. i will do much better. and i hope i can achieve tht.
aniwaes, im tired and i wanna sleep. actually, i slept oready.. then suddenly woke up and used the computer. hahakz. why oh why. maybe i juz cant go by a day without the use of the computer. maybe its becoz of this blogging thing. addictive.

k then. i shall retire now. nitez! bye!

2006-05-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

hey. wanna share this poem wif you guys. i got it when going shopping wif michelle and jessica. it was in this beautiful love card. and michelle.. its not called stealing! i just 'memorised' the words in the card! hahakz..

I Love You

When I tell you "I Love You",
I want it to mean more
than when anyone else
in the whole world says it.
I want it to mean
that your happiness
is everything to me
and that I want
only the best for you always
no matter what it takes.
I want it to mean
that you're more important to me
than anything else in my life.
When I tell you "I Love You",
I want it to mean
that you're a part of me
and I'm a part of you,
and no matter what happens
in this world,
we'll be together forever
sharing our lives
and our happiness
and our love.

Hallmark.

2006-05-24T21:16:00.000+08:00

sHuT Up!

As someone told me before,
everyone has 24 hours a day.
Never more,
never less.
no matter who you are.
no matter what you are.
so,
if everyone can do it,
within their time limit,
why can't you?!
so just shut your crap up
and stop complaining
don't show your fucking attitude here
coz' no ones gonna give a damn about you.

written by : shuhadah.

2006-05-24T19:39:00.000+08:00

WaiTinG...

she sat by her phone,
waiting for it to ring.
she waited for hours,
from 7pm to 1am.

the book lay opened
in front of her.
she read the words
but nothing made sense.
her mind was on one thing,
and it wasn't the book.

she kept checking her phone
to see if it was working
damn, she said to herself.
it was working perfectly.
then why isnt it ringing?
she wondered desperately.
when the clock struck midnight,
broken-hearted, she sighed.
"this is it then."
there wasn't any hope left.
it was in fact the end.

But she persevered and waited on.
till 1am came.
she stared at the phone
with heart full of hope.
but the phone just lay there
silent as death.

Till finally, at last,
she abandoned all hopes.
she lay on her bed
in the dark, cold room,
feeling so empty and lonely.
till finally she cried herself to sleep.

written by : shuhadah.

2006-05-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

well well well. ended. over. 23 may. 12:03 am. 2wks 3days. figures.

hey everyone! today is a boring day. nothing else. just plain boring. one whole day lie in bed read book... dan brown:digital fortress. its a great book.. aniwaes.. it is sickening to lie there all day n stare at a book... giddy. so. what i have to say today? nothing much. really. juz bored and decided to write a blog. haiyo. forget it. shall just go sleep.
but, b4 i go.. tot i'd wanna share this song lyrics wif you. bye!

== + * jOsS StOnE : yOu hAd mE * + ==
You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind

Spitting in my eyes and I still see
Tried to keep me down
I'm breaking free
I don't want no part in your next fix
Someone needs to tell you this is it

Hey listen you'll be missin'
Out on all my love and my kissing
Make your mistakes on your own time
When you come down you're just no good to have around
Instead of making money you took mine

[Chorus]
You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
I've realized in timethat my eyes are not blind
I've seen it beforeI'm taking back my life

You tried to trade on my naivete
But the things you do and say embarrass me
See once upon a time I was your fool
But the one I leave behind is you

Hey listen you'll be missin'
Out on all my love and my kissing
Make your mistakes on your own time
When you come down you're just no good to have around
Instead of making money you took mine

[Chorus]
Vodka and a packet of cigarettes
That's all it used to be but now
You're sniffing on snow when you're feeling low
Suffocating dreams that could have been
Maybe for a minute I was down with that
But it didn't take long for me to see the light
You swore you had control of it
But when I stepped back you slipped on your supply

[Chorus]
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Ain't nobody got no business stressing all the time
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life

[Chorus]
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Ain't nobody got no business stressing all the time
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life

2006-05-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

oh my god!!!!
damn idiotic interview ar! it totally sucked! damn.. im just plain.. traumatized. it must have been the worst interview that i have went to ever.. not that i have gone to many interviews. damn.. wat questions were they? damn.. i was crushed man.. really. my hopes have gone down the long, dark, dirty, drain. dats it. i wud be surprised if i do get the position that i want.. sigh... cant stop thinking about it... so depressing! and for god's sake... really. i didnt noe that i sound rehearsed. honestly.. i swear.. i didnt practise reading out the answer to questions that i found out from the others who hav been interviewed! honestly, even though they did tell me the questions, i seriously didnt noe the answers to the questions that were questioned to me! sigh.. im not a fake. and im definitely NOT faking it. i noe im up to the standards.. just that, i cannot tell you in words... it has to be seen in my actions. besides, i suck at interviews.. it is unfair to be judged on your leadership skills in what you see and hear in an interview! if i was president of the world, i wud ban interviews. seriously. it is inhumane. demoralizing... destroying your self-confidence and ego. makes you feel like.. nothing.

awww... todays entry is so depressing aint it? dont read it la. oh.. but then again, if you are reading this sentence, obviously you have finished reading the entry..
woops. shud have given earlier warning. but.. wth. hahakz.

k la. i gtg.
sigh.
how to sleep thinking abt this bloody interview?
sigh.
havta force my eyes shut.
sigh.
good nite.
sigh.

2006-05-19T08:47:00.000+08:00

hey. now in school. dead bored actually. its oni like... 8.45am. sigh... in higher malay class right now. since sum ppl are out excursion, only some people are like.. in this class right now. so.. sort of a free period.. with a teacher. hahakz. aniwaes, i realised that if for my hmt 4 o-levels is like under A2.. meaning B3 and below, there are only gonna minus 1 point from my o level aggregate! thats for c i think... well.. at least as said by my malay teacher. aniwaes, all i noe is tht today is gonna be a long, long day.......

having lessons till like... 12.30pm. then go home for 2 hours b4 having bio lesson from 2.30pm till 3.30pm. uhuhz.. y in the world wud it end till that late on a Friday? i donno... blame it on the school. aniwaes, then after that i have the band committe interview... which i hope to do well. at the very least, please dont make me look like a fool out there. aniwaes, after that, going out with some band members to have dinenr and then going off to meridian junior college concert at victoria concert hall. omg. i just realised that i havent told my mum yet that im going to that concert!!! shoot... im dead. and no way im going to that concert in my school uniform. i think i will bring my home clothes or sumting.. shall settle that later..

k then.. im dead bored.. wish me all the best today.. oh.. n also for my interview... pray for me!

bye!

2006-05-18T19:38:00.000+08:00

be youself....BUT... be your BEST self.

hey. today.. hmm. ok la. at last today finished checking all the exam papers. AT LAST. hahakz. i mena, going thru papers and doing corrections is like doing the exam paper all over again. and that is HELL. oh no. i don wan that. aniwaes, all that matters is that it is over. but then again, life is never a piece of cake that you can enjoy. next week, start studying. can you believe it? my brain is still in its early process of recovering from the stress of sleep deprivation. sleep at 12.30am wake up at 4.30am. wow. 4 hours of sleep every exam days. cant believe im still alive and typing can you? yeah. im surprised myself.

yesterday was so sleepy and tired... worn out. slept as early as 10.30pm noe! hahakz.. woke up at like... 3 am and found out that he had called me at 11pm. oh well.. missed the call. was in distant dreamland when he called and i, miraculously, cudden hear my hp ringing. hahakz. then just now in school, i had a free period at 2pm coz mdm azrina didnt cum for that english period. i sitting doing my 2 second drafts for my compositions. suddenly i felt a vibration on my chair from my hp in my bag. i thought it was just an sms. but the vibration didnt stop. i realised it was a call. i saw he was calling n i picked up the phone call. he was shocked when he found out i was still in class. luckily it was a free period. ahahakz.

oh. heres something i wanna add on to the previous entry. we were supposed to write down rules for bands as well as the punishments too. then, for the rules, sumone wrote "since we start band 15 minutes early, we should end band 15 minutes early." ok. that is sooo not funny.

first, how to end early if u guys don shut ur crap up when ppl needs to talk abt sumting impt to u? they have to make sure that you get the msg.

second, fine. if that is the case, lets play along with that rule of yours shall we? if you really wanna do that, meaning have EXACTLY 3 hours of band time, fine. u can come at 3pm exactly if you want to. but make sure by 3pm EXACTLY you have set up ur instruments and ready to play. if you delay, if everyone is not ready by 3pm, every single second of the time taken from 3pm till when everyone is ready, it will be added on to your dismissal time. meaning, if people drag and come into band at 3.15pm, you shall end at 6.15pm. if u cum in at 3.05, you shall end at 6.05pm. oh, and btw, there WILL NOT be such a thing as early dismissal anymore. even if everything is settled by 5.50pm, you shall have to wait till exactly 6pm before you can leave since band time is EXACTLY 3 hours. for that ten minutes, i don care. shuttup and clear the band room if you hav to. serves you right for cuming up wif such rules that are of no sense. besides, im just following YOUR rules.

ok. end. anything else, i shall let off everything here. muahaha. sorry if your eyeballs burn when you read these entries. i juz hav to let it out coz if not, i will erupt one day.

thts it 4 now.
bye!

i don get angry easily. i'll just keep everything inside me and when the time comes, i shall explode. i'll erupt and everything will come pouring out like hot lava from a volcano. isnt that a comforting thought....

2006-05-17T20:53:00.000+08:00

1. it is not often that we get to have old people to come and talk to us student councillors.
2. you have to take a huge step sometime. deosn't matter if it is the wrong or right step. if right, good. if wrong, learn something from it and it will be a good step.

as quoted from the first president of student council of ngee ann secondary school, mr seah ruhan.

hey!
today is a managable day. band after school, as per normal, hav saved me from becuming even more insane than i already am (if that is even possible.) had normal classes. dead boring. learnt something though. I HAVE TO DAMN BUCK UP FOR MY STUDIES AND LEARN CONCEPTS. okay. fine. no june holiday for me then. after tht, sc meeting at 2.30pm. had mdm lee(principal-in-training), mr seah ruhan(invited speaker, ex debator now debate coach, & first president of sc) & miss ng geck woon(ex sc, band alumni member & invited speaker). phew. was very long. managed to be very attentive but towards the end where we summarize n hav to answer questions from mdm lee, i cannot listen anymore. it felt like an eternity sitting on that hard table. was very relieved when it all ended. wat matters most is that i have learnt something new from that meeting. good. for band, great trumpet solo song. very nice song. was fun, as always. at the end, found out that i was shortlisted to be in band committee. great. i cant wait. its time band needs a makeover, to be frank. if not now, it will be never. hope i stay in and manage to be in the committee.

band needs to buck up man. they need a new committee and a new & improved band attitude and spirit. and it has to happen NOW. next year syf. today mrs chua asked if we were ready for it. i was among the few who shouted yes. THE FEW. referring to only 2 or 3. pathetic huhz. some can even say no. shit. really. i have said it manytimes and i will say it again. if you hav no interest whatsoever in band, please. leave. don b a self-centered idiot and stay in band just to get cca points. you are pulling the whole band down. excuse me. there ARE people out there who wants to be in band because they have the passion for music and band. in your case, u dont. all u care about is yourself. even if u r pulling the band down, u dont care, do you? ccoz all that matters is YOU and nothing else but YOU. not even the band matters. aniwaes, what do you gain at the end of the day? ask yourself that. what DO you gain seriously? all u get is some cca points that has no meaning to you at all.

when u get older, you'll look back and you'll think what your secondary school life has been. would you want to say,
"what secondary school life? i don't remember any of it. nothing significant happened during secondary school life and there is no impact made at all onto my life. i dont find it interesting at all. i dont even gained any skills there."

or would you rather say,
"wow. secondary life was the best for me. i learnt so many things in school especially in my cca, band. i learnt a lot of new skills that i will never get to learn in the classroom. it was great fun. i enjoyed every second of it since my secondary school life is filled with interesting things everytime. i grew passion for band. and since i like band, i enjoy every minute of it. even better still, i get cca points for doing something that i like! its a bonus, really."

seriously. think people, think. you are gifted with a brain, whether big or small, and its function is to THINK. USE IT. i hate it when people come to band and keep on cursing when the time taken for dismissal is dragged on. shuttup for a change will you. shut ur big crap up and the speaker will be able to convey the message faster since there is no idiots like you who keep shouting and interrupting the talk saying dumb unnecessary questions like "WHAT?" " HUH?" "WHAT YOU TOKING?" when the speaker had clearly said the things that you asked. but then again, oh, right. you were busy, using your handphone. which was not even supposed to be used in the band room in the first place! gosh, i hate your attitude. realise that ugly fact, will you? sigh. no names said.

phew. let off my steam oready.
orite then.
i shall be off now.
next time then.
bubbye!

2006-05-10T19:49:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey! omg.. i never tot dis day wud cum. but it has... at long last! phew.. hmm.. but he has not yet finished his exams.. oh well. it ends on monday right? well.. monday it is then.

bio paper sucked like hell juz now. darn it. hope i managed to pass. n we getting back our scripts on MONDAY. dang. it is sooo fast! oh well. better now then later. the faster i get it over n done wif, the longer time i hav to actually get over the trauma. sigh. oh well.. at least exams r over n i don hav to sleep at 12.30 a.m. every night n wake up at 4 freaking a.m. hahakz. i can sleep as late as 3a.m. n wake up as late as 3p.m. muahaha. n no one can stop me. (except mayb my mum.)

cant wait to watch da vinci code movie. in fact, cant wait to go watch movie.. no matter wat show. wohoo.

damn it la. tmr no paper i hav to cum 4 sc meeting to organize post exam activities so tht the students r happy n r occupied. damn them too. we organize activities for them n all other lots of stuff so tht they will hav a better time in the school. but wat do we get? "what sc do ar? they do nuting right?" right. sheesh. not referring to anione in particular btw.

k la. dats it for now. wanna go squash my ear bones for hours on the fone tonight. hahakz. hope my father decides to go to the seaside tonight. darn.. i miss the sea n the sea breeze. a very romantic atmosphere. not tht im wif tht sumone there. oh well.

cya nex time!

2006-05-05T13:45:00.000+08:00

hey ya!
wondering y i sound up beat on exam week? coz today is friday n my physics paper ended at 9.47am on the dot. god. its finally over. physics. one of my down-the-drain subjects. i wonder.. am i going on to do very badly on all maths-based subjects... all my screwed-up life?! darn it. y cant i juz b good in maths.. for god's sake, my father is superb in maths, my sis is in uni studying accounting, n me? stuck wif freakin a maths. sucker.

aniwaes, lets start wif my exam history.
english.. ok. i might fail coz i wrote my compo wrongly. but other than tht, ok.
hmt. oryte. don. phew. ok la. nt tht bad.
e maths paper 1. expected worst but it wasnt all that bad.
elec geog. ok. considering the fact tht all was last minute.
ss. a goner. im almost certain tht i'd fail it.
chem. er.. ok ok la. i tink i wun do tht well bt i mite still hav a glimmer of a chance to pass it.
physics. i cannot predict the outcome. tht says alot.

done. i've had it wif exams. but wait! dang. i still hav 3 more papers : a maths, e maths paper 2, bio.
n i wonder y im here blogging when i still hav papers. honestly. im killing myself. ive been crying out of stress. i've been cramming everything into my overloaded overheated wif crap n nonsense. hahakz. ss lessons can make teacher's nagging sound like angel's voices. n studying ss all day long can make cleaning my room a gazillion times better. that is a statement. but thank god. its over (even if i fail n will get a sound scolding frm my parents.. but tht will be another story.)

k. i so cant wait for exams to be over. i promised myself. after bio paper, im gonna SCREAM. really. i will scream n run out of class cursing everything tht gets in my way n screaming "exams r over. liberty."

yeah. long long long time to go. im a bit relieved today coz its friday. meaning tht tmr hav no school as well as sunday. wohoo! *grins*

but aniwaes, i am sure to c tht bloody a maths paper sooner or later. damn it has to be sooner.

k la. im going off now. oh, b4 i go, i will be posting pictures of the band concert night. trumpet section rawks 4eva!
(sympathy goes to ppl hu i noe tht hates their cca. well. too bad. better them than me =) sorry. hahakz)

*** + == BAND CONCERT NIGHT == + ***

* mE & mIcHeLLe *

* TRuMpEt sEcTiOn.. tOgEtHeR 4eVa *

* TrUmPeT... ShIoK! *

* TrUmPeT SeCtIoN.. ThE FuTuRe.. *

2006-04-24T19:09:00.000+08:00

hey
today is not tht bad a day. had triple science today...+ e maths. wat a day huhz? all four major subjects in one day. bio..fun as owaes.. physics.. practical.. did okay besides the fact tht i didnt noe which graph to draw.. 2 separate ones or one graph with 2 lines on it. but.. what the hell. i ended up doing two separate ones n then redo again.. n yeah. lets move on.

chemistry. the mention of the word itself sends shivers down my spine. juz the tot chemistry exams makes me feel like puking. gosh. in class, i don really hav total understanding of what the heck miss toh is talking. but well. lets look at it from a different perspective. i improved from staring at the paper like a total blithering idiot who is lost in a triple science class and dont know how the hell i get there... to.. understanding some of the parts tht ms toh is talking about.. even though i still dont know how the hell i get there. =)

oh god. n tmr hav chem test. n btw.. e maths juz now was ok. i cudden do my misc ex 7 a maths hmwk. n tht is a bad thing. very bad. sigh. better get started shudden i? god, i hate studying sometimes.

then today pissed like hell. god, i shall never do what i hav been doing for the past few months again. it is juz not worth it. u dont deserve it la. if u ever want me to list out the things tht i dislike about u, the list will run on for miles. so, don bother giving me an A4 size paper to write on. but i shall not voice it out since i consider u my friend. i shall try to overlook ur flaws n c the goodness in u (which to be honest im having difficulties with, but ill still try my best). sigh. its difficult. im not trying to be like.. wat liddat. im trying to b nice to u okay. appreciate it will u? urgh.

back to chemistry. just a short quick summary.

preparation of SOLUBLE salts
acid + metal = salt + hydrogen gas
acid + base = salt + water
acid + carbonate = salt + water + carbon dioxide

inorganic acid dissolved in water = conducts electricity.
organic solvent = do not conduct electricity because 1) does not dissolve in water , 2) does not release ions , 3) no free mobile ions , thus dont conduct electricity!

acid - turns damp blue litmus red
red in methyl orange
colourless in phenolphthalein

alkalis - turns damp red litmus blue
yellow in methyl orange
pink in phenolphthalein

OXIDES
i) acidic oxides
ii) basic oxides
iii) amphoteric oxides
iv) neutral oxides

acidic oxides
- non-metals
eg. carbon dioxide
sulphur dioxide
sulphur trioxide

acidic oxide + water = acids
acidic oxide + alkalis = salt + water

basic oxides
- metals
eg. sodium oxide
magnesium oxide
iron oxide
calcium oxide
copper oxide

basic oxide + acid = salt + water

basic oxide that dissolve in water called alkalis.
lime water = Ca(OH)2

Amphoteric oxides
some metallic oxides
eg. zinc oxide
aluminium oxide
lead oxide

it is both acid and alkali.
can behave as basic oxide as well as acidic oxide.

preparation of INSOLUBLE salts
soluble salt (aq) + soluble salt (aq) = insoluble salt (s) + soluble salt (aq)

done! now.. bubbye!

2006-04-23T19:58:00.000+08:00

hey.
had band concert yesterday! for those who didnt cum.. well too bad for u ppl. muahaha. it was great great great. superb. fantastic. had real fun. i mean.. its been a long time since i had this much fun in my life.. for 2 consecutive days. wow.

on 21st april 2006, i had school in the morning.. not like any school days.. but exams. @#$%. i thought i was doing perfectly fine for my compo free-writing until i had finished n the teacher asked me to pass my paper up. then i realised my HUGE mistake. the question was something about writing a recount on how my action made an effect on a stranger's life. i wrote my friend's life. crap. i screwed up. aniwaes, i think im gonna fail tht part of my paper aniwaes, taking into account tht my storyline totally sucked n the huge mistake tht i made, so yeah. forget scoring 20. i think passing it wud b miraculous. well.. my paper 2 was a bit better if at all. the summary wasnt tht bad, not taking into consideration the fact tht there wasnt much points but according to ms yanti who set tht paper, there was supposedly to be 18 points. i think i had oni wat... 10 points when im supposed to have 15 points at least. darn it.

but things went a lot better after i had finished my exam. i went to band n we had rehearsal. band, no need to say la. band is owaes fun for me. in fact, to say it frankly, band is the oni thing tht makes me sane n keeps me hanging on to my pathetic, screwed up life. in fact, band is the oni thing tht i look forward to everyday. after band, i went for debate finals at SRJC. watch oni n zansher was there to take prize for top 20 best speakers.. to b precise, 12th position. all of us were like... crazy. high. insane. mad. hahakz. it was so much fun! it was fun even before we started out. we went into the bus n then started screaming.. well.. im guilty. i started it first. but, wat the hell. it was fun n thts all tht counts. n we irritated ruhan by calling him MR SEAH everytime. hahakz. apparently, he is still not used to it. saw zhan hou oso. so long never c him. i was listening to the first debate attentively. but the second one was juz plain boring. they talked too fast n besides, the motion was boring n dry. not interested. so, i, michele n jess talked. we were supposed to b quiet but hahkz. who the hell cares. oh.. n oso, since majority of us in the bus were bio students, all we talked about was bio. sex to b precise, since now we are studying reproduction in mammals. it was fun. i was talking about stupid things like our bus being the egg n the other cars on the road the sperms getting to us. n how trees have fallopian tube. ok.. for u ppl out there reading this, maybe it might not b funny, but for bio students.. yeah. its jus a fun way to study. without realising it, we r studying bio while having fun coz we r using all the terms n concepts n stuff like tht. oh, n zhan tot us how to pass ur exams. by not studying. but for the sake of u ppl out there, please. don take his advice. hahakz.wohoo. i love debate.. for the right reasons n the wrong reasons as well. =)

ok. now for the fun part. band. yesterday had the concert. canorus modus III. fun? damn rite it was. hahakz. sigh. i loved it while it lasted. too many things happened yesterday tht i cannot list all of it out for u. coz if i were to do tht, ppl will take hours to finish reading my blog. besides, it is fun oni if u were to experience it. if u were to oni read it, its juz not the same. hahakz. after the whole band concert was over, i was smiling from ear to ear. really. thts how much band means to me. it means the world to me. after tht, i went to keep my instrument. my god brother, faaris haekal.. hahakz.. waited for me. i tell u.. he is the best brother anione can hav. really. i went to meet him after tht n he helped me carry my things. i went back ar though.. i thought of all the chairs n the ppl tht hav to stay behind to keep them when all the other ppl went off oready happily. not saying tht im a nice girl or watever.. im not sumone who judge. but yeah. its juz something tht u hav to do u know? i mean, after using them, keep them. after ur concert, take responsibility over them la. but nvm la. all tht matters now is tht it is cleared up oready. i went to help keep all the chairs. then, i asked taufiq if he going home. he said he going off with other ppl, so yeah. i went home with my god brother la. considering it was oni our first meeting, (excluding tht time when i saw him n said i going off oready during teacher's day last year.. hahakz.), it was actually quite fun. we went to eat at kfc. i didnt hav the appetite to eat so i oni talked to him while he eats. talk talk talk... and then, he sent me home until my doorstep.. hahakz. so nice right? so, to any girls out there who are interested, hahakz. ask me! i can introduce him to u.. hahakz. is he interested with sumone oready? hmmm. =)

yeah. after all tht, i was so worn out and exhausted. then it hit me. OMG. exams. damn it. and there will be no more band after this concert! shit. damn. %^&*. argh. now wat? study study study. well. sigh. thts the price u hav to pay to get a bright future i guess. but wateva. i hav to be strict to myself and start mugging over my books n notes n start making notes like there is no tomorrow. coz if i dont start now, there will be no tomorrow. oh well. im going off to study oready. sigh. took 1 whole hour to write this blog. one hour closer to school. oh well.

bye!